Authority issues in self-reliant people trace back to a parent whose authority couldn’t be trusted — and that distrust gets replayed with every later authority figure. Joe notes that people with a problem with authority usually also have a hard time being an authority: they struggle to own what they actually know.
The practice is to take a breath each day and own something you know, with certainty, and without needing to convince anyone. Certainty here isn’t arrogance; it’s being upright in yourself rather than hedging and hesitating.
“You’re not trying to convince them because you’re certain. Why would you have to convince them? You’re not hesitating. You’re not hedging well kind of maybe I know this. You’re just upright in yourself.”
The crucial addition is to do it with a big open heart. Owning your authority warmly teaches you that an authority doesn’t have to be pushy or needy — it can simply be self-possessed. This rewrites the childhood template of what authority is.
“An authority doesn’t have to be pushy and doesn’t have to be needy. An authority can actually just be upright in themselves.”
Related Concepts
- The only real certainty is how you want to be
- Self-reliance comes from a childhood where you took care of your parents
- Leaders must say what they want cleanly
- Loving parents requires both open heart and strong boundaries
- Authority issues mean not treating authorities as human beings
- Rebelling against authority and seeking its approval are two sides of the same coin
- Contrarian thinking is still controlled by the system
- Self-reliance can be a form of intimacy avoidance