Joe asked every long-married person for the secret to marriage. Fifty percent said “yes dear.” In retrospect, they were all miserable. Compromise means carving pieces of yourself away until there’s nothing left — just a skeleton of a person inside the marriage.
“We decided early on that we’re just never going to compromise… we’re smart enough to find a solution that works for both of us.”
Joe and Tara’s alternative: refuse to compromise. Instead, believe you’re smart enough to find solutions where both people thrive. Every place where you can’t find mutual happiness is an invitation to look at yourself — not to fix your partner, not to blame yourself, but to grow. This is what “make it all about you” means: treat the relationship as a path of self-development.
When both partners adopt this stance — working on themselves rather than each other — the relationship thrives. Because ultimately, the relationship you have with another is a mirror of the relationship you have with yourself.
Related Concepts
- Both partners must want better
- Every fight can bring you closer
- Self-improvement is self-annihilation
- Compromise means neglecting yourself and it always builds resentment