In venture capital, there’s a principle: the energy it takes to force a deal into place is the energy required to maintain it. Deals that fell into place naturally tended to go well. Deals that required heavy negotiation and shoving required constant maintenance to stay on track.
This applies directly to relationships. If you have to pressure, guilt, or intimidate someone into doing what you want, you’ll have to maintain that pressure indefinitely. It doesn’t work for any meaningful length of time. Finding the other person’s truth, where they naturally want to move, and how that aligns with your own truth — that creates sustainable peace.
This is why relationships built on control — whether through anger, sadness, guilt, or withholding love — are never happy. The control must be endlessly maintained, and the person being controlled eventually breaks free or breaks down.