Joe’s two core listening practices during fights: First, listen to the other person as if they are right — like a guru whose every word is a pearl of wisdom. “There’s some truth here that I don’t get, that I am here to understand.” This doesn’t mean you have to buy it. It means you’re fully open to understanding where they’re coming from.
Second, listen with full wonder — curiosity without needing to know the answer. No need to root around and find the solution. Just be in wonder, and eventually it shows itself.
“Listen to a person like they’re right… like every word that spills out of her mouth is a pearl of wisdom.”
These two stances together — reverence and wonder — transform the quality of listening. You stop defending your position and start genuinely receiving. The result: most disagreements dissolve because they were never really disagreements — they were misunderstandings layered with interpretation and trauma.
Related Concepts
- How we listen shapes what we hear
- Wonder eliminates defensiveness
- Mirroring reveals how much we misunderstand each other
- Depersonalize the problem — it’s a patient on the table
- Listening to yourself with unconditional acceptance is the fastest path to listening well
- Saying ‘ouch’ to the inner critic creates distance from it