Joe references a technologist he works with who describes conflict resolution as “looking at the problem like it’s a patient on the table.” It’s not personal. Nobody’s bad. You’re just looking at this thing together, trying to understand it.
This shift happens naturally when you practice mirroring and deep listening. Once you realize that most disagreements stem from misunderstanding rather than attack, the whole fight depersonalizes. You stop being adversaries defending positions and become collaborators examining a shared problem.
“It’s like looking at the problem like it’s a patient on the table — it’s not personal. We can just listen to each other and understand each other, and then everything’s going to resolve itself.”
The metaphor captures something essential: the problem is separate from either person. Neither partner is the problem. The problem is on the table between you, and you can both look at it with curiosity rather than blame.
Related Concepts
- Listen as if the other person is right
- There is no right or wrong, only perspectives
- Shame-free problem solving
- Mirroring reveals how much we misunderstand each other
- Both people in a fight want to be seen
- Seeing their truth is different from finding ‘the’ truth