In the coaching session, the man — within just two or three questions — moves from “how do I recognize my accomplishments?” to identifying that what he actually wants is self-love, and then articulating that self-love means “not just accepted, but welcomed.” He laid out his entire path without Joe offering him anything.
Joe reflects: “We all have it in us. We all have that sense — the way a bird migrates — that we have this sense in us that we know the way home. And it’s so important to acknowledge that if you’re coaching somebody, but even more important to acknowledge it in yourself.”
This is a fundamental principle of Joe’s coaching approach: the client doesn’t need the coach’s answers. They need the coach’s questions and presence. The path is already there, ready to be “rolled out like a carpet.” The coach’s role is to create conditions where the person can see what they already know — primarily by seeing them without judgment, which allows them to see themselves.
This also carries a profound implication for self-work: you don’t need to acquire self-love from outside. The capacity for it is already present. The work is removing the obstacles to it — the shame, the hedging, the false humility, the performance — not building something new.
Related Concepts
- Follow your migratory path
- Your nature knows what you need next
- Transformation is archaeology, not invention
- Self-love is somatic welcoming, not affirmation
- If you can’t love the thing, love the resistance to the thing
- Welcoming whatever arises is self-love
- Coaching is self-discovery, not skill acquisition
- Being held requires dropping the performance