Joe addresses the Buddhist teaching that “desire is the root of suffering” and offers a crucial distinction: it’s not wanting that causes suffering—it’s craving.
“Craving is an obsessive wanting. I want something and I don’t feel like I’m going to be complete without it. I do not feel like I am going to be safe without it. That causes suffering.”
The Key Distinction
Wanting: A natural feeling, the life force, enjoyable to experience Craving: Needing to make the wanting go away by solving it
“If you can be all the way in the want, the feeling of wanting is quite lovely. It’s when you can’t be with or in that wanting, when you’re right outside of it needing to solve it—that’s craving.”
The Mechanism
Craving is trying to escape the feeling of wanting. You can’t be with it, so you need to acquire the thing to make the wanting stop. But this creates suffering whether you get it or not:
“Craving a billion dollars and getting it is almost as painful as craving a billion dollars and not getting it.”
If you think getting what you want will create lasting happiness (more than 2 minutes), you’re in craving.
The Alternative
Love the wanting itself. Love the process, not the outcome.
“If you love running a company, you’ll be successful. If you are running a company to get rich, you may or may not be successful.”
The world champion golfer doesn’t just love winning—he loves practicing. That’s why he’s successful.
Related Concepts
- Wanting is aliveness
- Owning your wants means being okay with having them
- Obligation oppresses every domain it touches — money, work, relationships
- Seeking power is always an expression of fear
- Being at war with your wants creates self-sabotage