The question “should I open my heart or draw a boundary?” presents a false dichotomy. The answer to “should I open my heart?” is always yes. Boundaries exist to maintain that open heart — to preserve your capacity for unconditional love. And looking inward to maintain that open heart is also part of the same work.
Joe uses the analogy: if you’re truly at peace, you could live on top of a disco. But if you’re truly at peace, why would you? The question of “do I stay or do I go?” isn’t about choosing between openness and boundaries — it’s about finding what allows you to remain open-hearted.
Drawing a boundary is internal work more than external. When someone lies to you and you draw a boundary about lying, the real work is the internal realization: “I don’t have to live with someone lying to me, and it doesn’t help me or them thrive.” The external statement is just an affirmation of that internal recognition.
The false dichotomy is “is it my problem or their problem?” It’s always about you being responsible for your own happiness.
Related Concepts
- Boundaries open your heart
- Boundaries are for you, not them
- Boundaries increase capacity to love
- Confused love tells us when to close our hearts