The simplest way to be empathetic without losing yourself is to keep some attention in your own body while being with another person. Joe recommends paying attention to the bottom of your feet, or how sound feels in your inner ear, while listening to someone. This dual attention — being with them while staying in yourself — is the key to successful empathy.
The traditional alternative is becoming defensive, which prevents you from getting lost in others but also blocks empathy entirely. Body awareness offers a third path: staying open and present without merging.
Joe suggests a powerful experiment: “For the rest of the week, put some of your attention into your physical body during every conversation. It’ll rock your world if you do that for every conversation for a week.” This practice handles about 70-80% of the problem of empathic overwhelm. The remaining work involves grounding practices — deep breaths, walking barefoot, shaking the body, short crying, meditation, or massage.
The body also serves as a diagnostic: rigidity in the belly, shoulders, or jaw signals that you’re trying not to feel something, whether through distance, dissociation, or wanting to stop the emotion. Keeping the body loose is essential to maintaining genuine empathy.
Related Concepts
- Empathy is being with someone’s experience, not lost in it
- Muscles constrict to block feeling
- Body awareness is just attention
- Self-attunement prevents emotional absorption