We fear that allowing the victim feeling will trap us in victimhood forever. The opposite happens. When Christopher fully allowed his experience of being a victim to chronic pain — expressed his anguish, received love in it, let himself be held — the feeling naturally transformed into gratitude and empowerment. The very empowerment he’d been trying to force by resisting the victim feeling arose spontaneously once he stopped resisting.
This is the “shitty bind” that resolves the moment you see through it: the empowerment you’re trying to manufacture by not allowing the victim is the natural result of allowing it. It’s not a push anymore — it’s a natural flow. “Oh, that’s it? All I have to do is allow?”
The session demonstrates this in real time: Christopher asks Joe to hold space for his pain and anguish, lets himself “be a victim” — and moves through it to genuine gratitude for being alive and present. Running toward himself (his pain, his victimhood) produced the enjoyment he’d been chasing by running away.
“Notice that when you allow that feeling of victim all the way in and all the way through, it moves to enjoyment.”
“The empowerment that you’re trying to have when you don’t allow the victim just becomes this very natural thing once you allow it.”
Related Concepts
- Feeling helplessness creates agency
- Welcoming helplessness, not managing it
- Helplessness dissolves false self-reliance
- Facing the feeling you’re avoiding is how empowerment comes
- Intensifying a feeling moves you through it rather than trapping you
- Going through helplessness is what creates empowerment
- We recreate painful circumstances to finally welcome the avoided emotion