We tend to picture boundaries as cold or punishing, but the conversation flips that. A firm boundary is one of the kindest things you can offer — to yourself and to the other person. You can accept someone as part of the tribe and still have boundaries within the tribe. You can see someone’s inherent goodness, decline their behavior, and refuse to make them bad, all at once.
“I mean, boundaries are one of the greatest acts of compassion.”
For yourself, the boundary is what lets your heart stay open without abandoning your safety. For the other, refusing to exile them while still holding a clear limit communicates “I see your goodness, and I won’t tolerate this” — which is far more respectful than either appeasement or banishment. Tara even frames boundaries as soul work and “the ultimate non-dual”: they honor both your finite, separate body and your interconnectedness with everything, holding the both-and rather than collapsing it.
“It also really helps me to see just how compassionate it can be to have really strong boundaries… compassion to itself and other.”
Related Concepts
- Forgiveness held with boundaries can invite the other person to change
- The real boundary is not the situation but knowing you get your boundaries
- Empowerment is love without submission or fight
- Blame and resentment stand in for a boundary you haven’t set
- Effective boundaries increase your capacity to love
- The difference between a boundary and an ultimatum is fear
- Boundaries, not VIEW, are the tool for narcissists