Joe redirects the whole question of approval to the present moment. The mind, asked what it needs to be at peace, immediately jumps to the future or the past — “I have to do this, I have to go to a meeting, I have to be a good husband.” But the real question is narrower: right now, this moment, what’s required to just be good with yourself?
“And if you’re not good with yourself right now, that means your brain has already gone into the future or into the past.”
When you slow down and actually find that feeling — “oh, right now I can be good with myself” — Joe asks how much of what you’re chasing from other people is really just this. The approval you seek never reliably arrives: someone doesn’t judge you today but does tomorrow. The peace you’re looking for, though, is always available, and only here.
This reframes action itself. You can still go to the meeting, make money, be a partner — but from this space rather than from “I have to get everybody’s love and approval.” If you already have peace with yourself, there’s nothing left to chase. The presence you can feel in this moment is also what creates real connection with others.
Related Concepts
- Self-possession is what people are actually attracted to
- Chasing approval separates you from yourself
- Loving the part in pain makes you happy in the moment
- Seeking approval pushes away the very connection you want
- No amount of external validation works if you won’t validate yourself