The participant worries she can’t tell when a feeling has become too overwhelming versus when she should go deeper into it. Joe gives her a simple, trustworthy gauge: her own enjoyment. Because her nature is already to investigate and move into the feeling, her only job is to make sure she’s enjoying the process — and to take a break when it stops being enjoyable.
“Your nature is to go into the thing. So, your job is to just make sure you’re enjoying going into the thing. If it becomes unenjoyable, take a break.”
This pairs with the reassurance that there’s no rush. When you start loving yourself, all the unloved parts come up to be loved, and they’ll keep being there to love — “you’re going to be just as lovable in 20 years as you are today.” So there’s no urgency to power through. If it gets overwhelming, take a walk, hang out with friends, and return when there’s a little space and it feels good again.
The instruction inverts the usual relationship with hard emotions. Rather than forcing depth through discipline, you let enjoyment set the pace, trusting that your tendency to look will carry you in. Enjoyment isn’t a distraction from the work; it’s the dial that keeps the work sustainable.
Related Concepts
- When love shows up, unloved parts surface to be loved
- Loving the part in pain makes you happy in the moment
- Love the part in pain the way you wanted your parents to love you
- Making enjoyment the priority dissolves procrastination
- The expansiveness underneath resistance to love is overwhelming and amazing
- Pleasure and bodily sensation ground the sensitive system as it opens