Beyond the upright apology for behavior, Joe describes a second type: empathic acknowledgment. “I’m sorry you’re feeling disconnected right now” or “I’m sorry you had a hard day” — not taking responsibility, but saying “I acknowledge that kind of sucked and I’m right here with you.”
This form of apology communicates two things simultaneously: “I’m with you” and “this is yours, not mine to fix.” It prevents the disempowering pattern of rushing in to solve someone else’s problem. Instead of fixing, you offer presence.
“It allows the relationship to show that it’s like I’m with you and I also acknowledge that that’s yours. It’s not for me to take care of. I can just be here with you in it instead of coming in and trying to fix the whole thing and then disempower you.”
Joe and his wife Tara experimented with this extensively and found it useful, though they use it less now. It’s particularly powerful for creating connection without creating dependency.
Related Concepts
- Holding space requires staying in yourself
- Receiving requires vulnerability
- An upright apology actually changes behavior