Many people unconsciously sort their desires into “acceptable” and “unacceptable” categories. It’s okay to want others to be happy, but not okay to want wealth. It’s okay to want emotional well-being, but not material success. This sorting happens at a somatic level—the body constricts, speeds up, or tightens when expressing a want that feels forbidden.
Joe demonstrates this by asking Bobby to say “I want my fiancée to be happy” versus “I want $250,000 a year.” The first comes with ease; the second produces visible constriction and a loss of love in his system. The word “abundance” itself was a tell—a softened version of wanting money that signals guilt about the desire.
“What makes it not okay for you to want? And I don’t mean logically. I get it. Logically, you know, it’s all good. But emotionally, nervous systemwise, what is it okay for you to want and what is it not okay for you to want?”
The permission to want is not about what you want but about whether you’re allowed to want at all. When wanting itself is blocked, no amount of strategy or hustle can compensate.
Related Concepts
- Wanting is aliveness
- Wanting matters more than what you want
- Owning wants means being okay with having them
- War with your wants creates self-sabotage