People naturally gravitate toward contexts where their heart can stay open — an open heart being the opposite of numbness, the willingness to feel and live. When a context closes the heart, it hurts, and we tend to blame the partner, the job, or the circumstances rather than listen to the signal.
Joe reframes the closing of the heart as the heart’s own boundary — a natural protection that fires even when we’re not consciously aware we’re being manipulated, guilt-tripped, or criticized. Often the manipulation feels like the water we swim in because it matches our own inner critic or how our parents spoke to us, but some part of us knows it’s not okay.
“There’s my heart. It’s closing. That tells me there’s something that I need to speak to. That means there’s a boundary I need to draw.”
So the practice isn’t to vow never to close your heart again. It’s to notice the closing, treat it as information, and use it to find the truth that needs speaking or the boundary that needs drawing — sometimes by unpacking it together with the other person.
“I just noticed my heart closed. I don’t know what’s causing that, but I don’t want to close to you. So, can we unpack that together?”
Related Concepts
- You have to stop loving to question a relationship
- Boundaries must open your heart, not close it
- Resentment signals a boundary is needed
- Doubt is leaving your heart
- Drawing boundaries and opening your heart are the same thing
- Closing your heart to protect yourself traps you
- Loving parents requires both open heart and strong boundaries