In a live coaching demo, Joe catches the exact moment a stand-up comic’s self-consciousness spikes: she laughs naturally (authentic expression), then catches herself and suppresses the laugh (because she doesn’t want to be seen in that emotion), and self-consciousness immediately increases. Then she beats herself up for it, which drops connection even further.
This reveals the self-consciousness cycle: authentic impulse arises → you suppress it because you don’t want to be seen → suppressing disconnects you from yourself → disconnection creates more self-consciousness → you perform instead of expressing → repeat.
“You had this emotion and you were like oh I don’t want to be seen in this emotion — you’re less in connection.”
The comic had also been told by coaches to do “dead pan” — which Joe points out isn’t what she asked for. She asked how to be authentic, not how to do what people told her to do. The advice she’d been following was itself a form of suppression, training her to hold back rather than express.
Related Concepts
- Hiding makes you feel more like an imposter
- Imposter syndrome means not being yourself
- Shame creates the see-me-don’t-see-me double bind
- Connection dissolves self-consciousness
- Welcoming fear cures phobia
- Contradiction between words and body reveals the mask we’re wearing