Summary
In this brief coaching session from a public Q&A, Joe Hudson works with a stand-up comic who asks how to be more authentic on stage. Joe quickly reframes her question — she’s not really asking about authenticity, she’s asking about self-consciousness. Through a series of live micro-experiments, he shows her that connection (with him, with herself) instantly reduces self-consciousness, while self-judgment and holding back emotions increase it.
The pivotal moment comes when she laughs naturally, then catches herself and suppresses it — becoming more self-conscious in real time. Joe points this out, revealing the pattern: authentic expression arises, shame or self-judgment interrupts it, connection drops. He then asks who among the performers she admires holds back their emotions — she can’t name anyone. The real revelation is that she got into comedy to face her biggest phobia (being on stage), which is itself a desire for emotional fluidity. Joe closes by showing her that connecting with fear works the same way as connecting with herself: she says “fear, I love you” and the phobia dissolves.
Key Concepts
- Connection dissolves self-consciousness
- Welcoming fear cures phobia
- Suppressing authentic expression increases self-consciousness
Key Quotes
“You had this emotion and you were like oh I don’t want to be seen in this emotion — you’re less in connection.”
“Who is the performer that you want to emulate that holds back their emotions? … At least a grand majority of the performers that you want to emulate are actually fully having their emotional experience on stage.”
“I got on stage to face my biggest phobia.”
“Connect to the fear like you just connected with yourself or you connected with me. That’s how you do it. You just did it. I literally just said fear I love you.”
“That’s how you cure a phobia.”
Transcript
in this coaching session that happens during one of our public q&as we meet a stand-up comic who’s very concerned about how to do it better only to discover the real reason she’s doing it at all my question is um how do I be my authentic self especially on stage because I’ve gotten a lot of feedback from people like what’s your what’s what’s your what what uh stage doing what like stand up comedy oh it’s an interesting question right there’s like with comedy in particular you’re you’re putting on an act and yet you still want to be authentic right it’s like that there’s both things happening right right um is the question how do you be authentic or is the question how do I not be self-conscious what’s the question just to be clear yeah I think it would be how to not be self-conscious because what I’ve gotten feedback from a lot of coaches or is um like I don’t I don’t want to hear that they say I don’t care so right now you’re self-conscious yeah yeah how self-conscious are you on a scale of like one to 100 the most self-conscious you’ve ever been oh right now um yeah hundreds the most self-c you’ve ever been zero is like hanging out with your best friend in that like Moment of Zen oh just with a lot of practice I’ve I’m probably like 40% you’re 40% self-conscious right now and yeah can you make it 39 yes how did you do that just looking at you on the zoom instead of looking at me and you yeah yeah so how about just look at you for a minute on the zoom okay did you become less or more self-conscious think more you said I think yeah you would you would know so just look at yourself for a minute see see what see how how do you become just 1% less self-conscious looking at yourself who that something just happened what was that that was good just I don’t I think I just felt like taking up more space um like settling comfortably in the space yeah yeah so connection with me made you less self-conscious connection with with yourself just made you less self-conscious now I’ve just said the word connection and that’s making you less self-conscious you’re like oh I can just like access connection and you’re yeah yeah so but but what’s interesting what just happened there is that and then you laughed which was your authenticity and that made you self-conscious and so you stopped the laugh God okay did you see it did you feel it now I’m more aware it yes yeah okay and then when I pointed it out you beat up you and there that was authentic look at and then you went that was what’s going on here so much so much just because uh like when I get up on stage people go I don’t want to hear the story quite yet so so when you beat yourself up you’re less in connection when you you had this emotion and you were like oh I don’t like I don’t I don’t want to be seen in this emotion you’re less in connection yeah yeah what do you think makes it who’s the performer who holds that who who is the performer that you want to emulate that holds back their emotions oh uh I can’t think of anyone um okay so what makes you hold back yours because at least a grand majority of the performers that you want to emulate are actually fully having their emotional experience on stage dang um I think I just keep hearing um dead pan is really good for me so I try to do Dead Pan um first of all I I’m about to crack up that’s like the best setup for a joke ever okay I keep on hearing dead pan is good for me sorry I have a very weird sense of humor okay the the yeah but that’s not authentic you didn’t ask me how do I do the things that people have told me to do you asked me how do I be authentic yeah how much have you got into comedy actually just as a way to learn how to express your emotions oh uh I don’t think I’m no not conscious about that it was really just because that’s my biggest phobia to get up on stage and then because I’m so scared I go into performance mode and I’m like that’s not me either that’s it’s actually kind of cool but I went I got on stage to face my biggest phobia so there is some sort of Des desire to have emotional fluidity to not feel stuck emotionally if you’re trying to yeah yeah so what’s the question now oh I guess yeah how do I not ask with connection be in the connection and then ask me your question okay um I my question is what can I do to be connected from the start with myself um I think I give into the fear and I don’t settle down for five minutes connect with the fear okay like right now connect to the fear like you just connected with yourself or you like connected with me that’s how you do it you just did it I literally just said fear I love you yeah yeah that’s it yeah yeah yeah that’s how you cure a phob that’s how you cure phobia okay okay done thanks