When wants are sublimated in an organization, they don’t disappear — they come out as politics, gossip, and passive aggression. One source of political culture is that people don’t know how to succeed, so they default to pleasing those above them. Another is that leaders aren’t clear about what they want because directness is seen as selfish or rude.
Joe describes working with CEOs who want 80% collaboration but 20% just want it done their way — and won’t say so. That 20% of unowned directness creates “a tremendous amount of guck in the system.” When Joe has them practice stating their wants cleanly versus hedging, the relief from their team is immediate and visible.
The pattern works at every level: a CEO who can’t own their fear-based desire for control creates confusion. A team where members suppress “I want this meeting to end, I’m bored” loses access to the exact intelligence that would improve things. When someone finally voices that want, ten people smile because they felt the same thing.
“If the leaders can’t be clear about what they want then wow it gets really funky really quick inside of an organization.”
The antidote is owning wants transparently while trusting others to do the same — and recognizing that self-interest, when owned, is what drives genuinely good collaboration.
Related Concepts
- Nice cultures breed passive aggression
- Leaders must say what they want cleanly
- Owning your wants dissolves passive aggression
- Asking for what you want dissolves resentment