When you’ve fallen out of connection — spiraled into rage, self-criticism, or numbing — the return isn’t through effort. Joe compares it to dropping a hot frying pan: “How do you drop a hot frying pan?” You don’t strategize; you just let go. The moment you think “I could be present again,” presence has already occurred. The desire for connection is itself a form of connection.
While supportive practices exist — meditation, exercise, metta meditation, acts of service — they point toward connection rather than create it. The effort itself can become another obstacle. Connection is always there and always available; trying to get it pushes it away.
Once you notice connection is present, the best response is gratitude: “Even right now if you feel into this moment you can feel your connection. It’s always there and you can be grateful for it.”
“As soon as you think ‘oh I want to be in connection,’ connection has already occurred… If you start trying to get it, you push it away.”
This points to a paradox at the heart of connection practice: it requires both practice and the recognition that no practice is required.
Related Concepts
- Chasing connection prevents connection
- Felt gratitude, not performed gratitude
- Gratitude arrives when you stop striving