People avoid emotions because they fear what will happen if they let them through. “If I allow my anger, I will destroy people. If I allow my sadness, it will go on forever. If I allow my fear, I will be frozen.” But Joe points out the cruel irony: those fears describe the resistance, not the emotion itself.
Resisted anger does destroy. Resisted sadness does last forever — it looks like depression. Resisted fear does freeze you — it looks like chronic anxiety. People have confused the resistance with the emotion.
“You’re never overtaken by the feelings. You’re overtaken by the resistance to the feelings.”
The resistance is itself a secondary feeling that loops back and fights the primary feeling — a massive waste of energy. The unresisted versions are radically different: anger becomes determination, sadness becomes deep joy, fear becomes excitement, grief becomes celebration.
Related Concepts
- Resistance changes the emotion
- Anger unresisted is determination
- Suppressing one emotion suppresses all
- Managing emotions prolongs suffering
- Resisting an emotion is exactly what invites it back
- The discomfort of emotions is the resistance to them, not the emotions themselves
- Welcoming emotions is fundamentally different from accepting them