When you see your own stuckness, you can do it two ways. With a closed heart: “I’m keeping myself stuck, I’m bad, I need to fix this”—which entrenches the pattern through shame. Or with an open heart: “Yeah, I see this. I’m willing to be here with it”—which moves the pattern quickly.
Joe frames the open-hearted approach through VIEW: Vulnerable (yes, I messed up), Impartial (I don’t need this to change), Empathetic (I’m with myself emotionally), and full of Wonder (what’s happening here?). This is what an “open heart” means in practice.
“To recognize the truth with an open heart can actually move a pattern. If there’s shame, that’s a pattern that’s going to entrench.”
The difference is between bracing against the recognition (constricting, tightening—nothing changes) and embracing it (being willing to see and feel without self-blame). This is why coaching works differently than self-criticism: a good coach points out patterns without calling you bad, modeling the open-hearted recognition that creates movement.
Related Concepts
- Shame stagnates rather than motivates behavior
- The VIEW framework for listening
- Self-judgment is a defense against feeling emotions