Before agreeing to marry Joe, Tara required three things: couples therapy, a ten-day silent meditation retreat together, and backpacking in harsh conditions for four to six months. She says these are the things she’s most proud of in her life.
Joe later realized that all three tested the same thing: are you willing to do the work on yourself? Therapy tests willingness to work on yourself with each other. Meditation tests willingness to work on yourself for the sake of the marriage. Harsh backpacking tests whether you can handle stress together without falling apart.
Tara arrived at these by identifying what mattered most to her: someone who wanted to learn and grow as much as she did. Everything else — shared hobbies, lifestyle preferences, even kids — was negotiable. The non-negotiable was the hunger for growth.
“If you can hang with silence, if you can hang with therapy, if you can hang with traveling in tricky conditions and enjoy them — those were the things that mattered really.”