The capacity to feel pleasure and enjoyment works like a muscle — it can be built over time. But there’s a threshold beyond which pleasure feels overwhelming, and that threshold differs for everyone. What makes it “too much” is simply what you’re used to, like interlacing your fingers the opposite way — same position, but uncomfortable because it’s unfamiliar.
If your nervous system had to stay on high alert as a child to feel safe, you’ll allow yourself very little pleasure and enjoyment because relaxing feels unsafe. If you were deeply nurtured, your capacity will be much higher. But regardless of where you start, the nervous system can be trained to accept higher and higher levels of pleasure.
“There’s a capacity to feel pleasure that is like a muscle. You can build it. And there’s a certain amount of overwhelm that happens when you feel too much of it.”
The inverse relationship between enjoyment and vigilance explains why letting your guard down feels dangerous: more enjoyment means less defense, and some baseline level of defense feels viscerally required for safety. The belief that you must be prepared — rather than trusting you can respond in the moment — is what keeps people out of the present and locked into management mode.
Related Concepts
- Pleasure as emotional fluidity practice
- Pleasure grounds the sensitive system
- Foreboding joy blocks gratitude
- Happiness feels dangerous to the vigilant
- Pleasure is available in every emotion when fully felt