A critical ingredient for coaching and facilitation is holding two seemingly contradictory truths: understanding the power you hold while recognizing you’re not special. Joe describes this as “owning your narcissism” — acknowledging that you want to be special, want to be heard, want people to say thank you. That’s natural and beautiful. But simultaneously recognizing: I am not better than anybody. I still have my own lessons to learn.
“I understand the power that I hold here. I can be in that and I can still recognize that I am not special.”
The danger of not holding both sides is real. Without owning the narcissism, you end up in false humility: “I don’t understand why all these people come to me.” Without recognizing you’re not special, you put yourself above others — which is catastrophic in teaching and facilitation. Both are necessary.
This is especially critical when going from coaching (one-on-one) to facilitation and teaching, where the authority dynamic amplifies everything. The teacher who doesn’t own their desire for recognition will unconsciously make the work about themselves. The teacher who doesn’t recognize they’re not special will create dependency rather than empowerment.
Related Concepts
- Narcissism is a spectrum we are all on
- Humility is not making yourself small
- Authority distorts reality for leaders