When Joe asks the tennis coach to feel his belly button, something revealing happens: the man’s face shifts visibly. Joe names it: “Is it that you’re not feeling it, or is that you are trying to repress an emotion that comes up when you feel it?”
The client admits: “Very possibly.” The two experiences—“I can’t feel anything” and “I’m unconsciously pushing away what I feel”—look identical from the inside. Both register as blankness or numbness. But they have very different implications: one suggests a deficit, the other suggests a protective mechanism.
This distinction matters because the remedy is different. If you truly can’t feel, you need to build capacity. If you’re repressing, you need safety—permission to feel what’s already there. Joe’s progression of questions helps the person discover which one is actually happening.
Related Concepts
- Attention directed at the body is already feeling
- Emotional numbness can be a survival gift, not a deficit
- Dissociation removes your signals
- Body awareness is simply directing attention to sensation
- Trying to feel your feelings is as much resistance as trying not to feel them