Esme tells a story about a friend’s father who corrects his 15-year-old on how to wash a pan. Joe reflects: “When I notice I want to micromanage something, it’s because I’m feeling a little bit out of control.” Esme lands it: “You find control in one part of your life because you feel out of control in another part.”
This applies everywhere — parenting, management, leadership. The micromanaging behavior disempowers the person being managed, kills confidence, and prevents independent learning. But it’s not really about the dishes or the task — it’s about the manager’s unprocessed feeling of being out of control.
Esme also observes that heavily micromanaged and criticized kids are more likely to vape, and she can literally see the posture of criticism (hunched shoulders) versus shame (tucked hips) in her peers. The external control creates internal shutdown.