Joe draws a critical distinction between the Eastern meditation approach of “being with” an emotion and truly loving it. Being with anxiety can become subtle management — “I’ll observe this so it goes away.” The brain quickly co-opts the practice: “Oh, if I be with this I can get rid of it — which isn’t actually addressing the underlying need — and then it stops working.”
The shift is from observation to invitation: “To love it, to invite it — I can’t wait to be anxious again. When you’re at that place, that’s the real freedom where you’re not trying to manage yourself.” Brett captures the subtle management in being with a feeling: “The feeling’s there, you’re next to it, you’re sort of observing it as a way not to really feel it. You’re like, ‘there they are, feeling. Joe says to recognize that you exist, so I’m just gonna stand here and watch you change into something better.‘”
Joe’s experiment was to feel whatever anxiety he had throughout the day — not to change it, not to do anything with it, just to increase awareness of how it moves through his system with gratitude and appreciation. The result wasn’t elimination of anxiety but a transformed relationship to it — the constriction loosened naturally, the life force flowed more freely.
This parallels a deep tissue massage metaphor: if you’re distracted during a deep tissue massage, it’s painful. If you’re fully present with relaxing music, it’s bearable and even pleasurable. Anxiety works the same way — full contact transforms the experience.
Related Concepts
- Welcoming, not just accepting emotions
- Management is war with yourself
- Curiosity transforms relationship to emotions
- Paying attention to stress without trying to change it reduces it