One of the four qualities Joe found in every great coach is impartiality — and it’s more radical than neutrality. The impartial coach isn’t trying to get anybody anywhere. They give no advice, hold no agenda about where the person “should” be, and instead listen to the wisdom sitting across from them.
“They’re listening to the wisdom across from them and they’re not partial. They’re not trying to say, ‘You should be there. You should be here.’ They’re not giving advice. They’re saying, ‘Oh, I know that you’re going to get to where you need to go.’ And I have that faith.”
This faith — that the person will arrive where they need to go on their own — is what impartiality really rests on. It removes the subtle pressure that makes most conversations feel like persuasion, and it trusts the other person as the authority on their own life.
Joe found the same quality reshaped his own inner life. When he stopped trying to get somewhere in meditation and met it with impartiality, the experience changed and enjoyment increased. Whether applied to another person or to oneself, dropping the agenda — the “you should be over there” — is what lets real movement happen, because it’s no longer being forced.
Related Concepts
- Every great coach shares four qualities: vulnerability, impartiality, empathy, and wonder
- Seeing others dissolves their judgment and criticism
- Empathy means being with someone without buying their story
- View is a mindset, not a technique
- Wonder is awe, not curiosity hunting for an answer
- Coaching is self-discovery, not skill acquisition