If you are in a genuine transformational process, grief is not optional. There must be a moment where you grieve the years spent doing something that caused you pain. Without that grief, the transition is extraordinarily difficult. The transformation stalls.
Jerry Colonna identifies that what makes grief so hard is the belief that “whatever experience we’re having is something we’re not supposed to be having.” A woman grieving her dog says through tears, “I feel like an idiot for grieving.” The normalization of grief — recognizing it as inherently human, not a sign of weakness — is often all that’s required.
Joe shares his own journey: childhood shaming around crying led to 14 years without tears. He drove to the wilderness, hiked off-trail, and pretended to cry for months before real tears arrived. Then he cried for four or five days straight. The well had opened. He emphasizes that grieving in community “opens up a door that often times you can’t walk through” alone — citing a team at an Alphabet company that held a Day of the Dead ceremony for failed products and ideas.
Joe also notes that difficulty trusting after loss typically means the grief hasn’t fully moved through. “When the grief moves all the way through, there’s nothing to be scared of.”
Related Concepts
- Heartbreak is expansion
- Welcoming not just accepting emotions
- Suppressing one emotion suppresses all
- Sustained grief transforms everything it touches
- Shame about grief shuts down all emotions
- Heartbreak opens when fear is finally felt
- Emotional titration is adaptive, not avoidant