If you define yourself as “the person who talks too much,” it’s very hard to become someone who doesn’t—because your identity is at stake. But an experiment has nothing to do with identity. You’re just learning something.
“Experiments separate your identity—an experiment doesn’t have anything to do with your identity. I’m just going to learn some shit.”
Instead of “I need to stop talking so much” (identity: I am a person who talks too much), you run experiments: today I’ll only ask questions; tomorrow I’ll say everything with gusto; the next day I’ll be tentative. None of these define who you are. They’re just explorations. And through them, you learn more about talking, listening, and when each is appropriate than years of telling yourself to change ever could.
This is one of the most powerful properties of experiments: they make change possible by removing the identity stakes that make change feel threatening.
Related Concepts
- Any self-definition limits you
- Be in the unknown during identity shifts
- Stuck is a feeling, not reality