Joe states as foundational fact: “There is no time when you’re awake when a feeling isn’t happening. You might not note it, you might not register it, but there is always an emotional sensation happening in your body at all times.” The question is never whether you’re feeling but whether you’re aware of what you’re feeling.
We lose awareness of emotions when they weren’t safe to feel. A physically abused child may grow up unable to distinguish a quarter from a key by touch alone — they’ve learned to dissociate from their body entirely because feeling the body meant feeling pain. Emotional suppression works the same way: being blamed, bribed, beaten, mocked, or simply told to “settle down” teaches the nervous system that emotions are dangerous.
“If your emotions weren’t safe — if you were emotionally told it wasn’t okay to have an emotion or you were blamed or bribed or beat or made fun of — you’ve learned to cut them off.”
The consequence is profound: since the emotional center of the brain drives all decision-making, emotional unawareness doesn’t make us rational — it makes us unconsciously emotional. We make decisions to feel good, feel loved, avoid failure, and avoid rejection without recognizing that’s what we’re doing.