Joe identifies the root of all cultural dysfunction in organizations as two unspoken questions: “Who’s in charge?” and “How much do you love me?” Every communication problem, role confusion, meeting dysfunction, and office politics traces back to people either not knowing how decisions get made or not feeling seen.
“All disagreements and arguments come from two questions: who’s in charge, and how much do you love me?”
When Joe asks LinkedIn professionals how to create good culture, they list things like “great communication” and “clearly defined roles” — which are correct, but they’re all attempts to answer these two core questions. The problem is that 95% of companies can’t even tell you how decisions are made in their organization — the most fundamental “who’s in charge” question goes unanswered.
This maps directly to Joe’s relationship work: in personal conflicts, both people want to be seen (“how much do you love me”) and are fighting about whose version of reality wins (“who’s in charge”). The same dynamics that destroy marriages destroy company cultures.
Related Concepts
- Feeling seen dissolves politics
- Both people in a fight want to be seen
- Authority issues are not seeing humans