Summary
A man living in Switzerland calls in struggling with what he frames as a “money block” — why money isn’t flowing to him. Joe methodically dismantles the premise: money is flowing (he has a phone, pays rent, got to Switzerland), he just spends it when he gets a lot. The real question isn’t about money at all.
Through reframing, Joe helps the caller discover that money = freedom = confirmation from others. The caller has been seeking external validation to confirm he’s allowed to have freedom — a confirmation that will never come. Underneath it all is a self-worth issue: every question he asks is a version of “what’s wrong with me?”
Joe guides the caller through recognizing negative self-talk (“ouch” exercise) and then into self-compassion. When the caller feels genuine compassion for the scared part of himself, freedom is already present — money wasn’t even on the radar. Joe suggests the order of operations: self-love first, then money becomes easier.
Key Concepts
Key Quotes
“You’re never going to get the confirmation from others that you’re seeking.”
“Money is the confirmation from others that I can have freedom.”
“Every question that you ask is what’s wrong with me.”
“If you had to spend your life with the amount of money you have now, but that deep understanding and compassion for that part of yourself — or you had all the money in the world but no compassion, still in that mind f*** — what would you want?”
“Freedom is recognized easier. Freedom’s already here.”
“The self-love and compassion doesn’t take but a couple days.”
Transcript
If you’re constantly wrestling with not having enough money, this coaching video is going to really hit home. >> Money is the confirmation from others that I can have freedom. >> Uhhuh. That’s the issue. Let that in for a minute. You’re never going to get the confirmation from others that you’re seeking. >> I’m trying to figure out my money blocks and I’ve got a lot of clues. I’ve done a lot of different therapies, done a lot of things. I got more clues on this call. And >> where are you right now? Where what location? >> Switzerland. Oh, cool. >> Actually, one of the reasons I came here was to get more comfortable with money. >> Oh, cool. I um that’s an interesting thing. I moved to Switzerland, which takes money to get more comfortable with money. >> Yeah, exactly. And >> yeah, it’s stressful at the same time, but I try to just let it go and >> Okay, so tell me what the what the what the question is direct like in one sentence. What’s the question? >> Why where why is the money flow blocked? Why is the money flowing to me blocked? I don’t know. Am I doing it? It >> clearly isn’t. It’s like >> Is that a computer you’re using to talk to me? >> Yes. >> Did you buy it? >> No. >> How did you get the computer? >> I bought I bought my phone to be fair. So, yeah, I did. I person I was working with bought it so I could work. >> Okay. Yeah. And And this house that you’re in, are you paying rent? >> Okay. And you you used money to get to Switzerland. Yeah. >> Yes. It feels like it’s almost just enough. Like I’m always in debt. I can never get over zero. That’s one thing I realized recently. Everything >> Hold on. No, no. The question was how is the money blocked? The answer is it’s not the money flow to you is not blocked. >> Okay. So why am I still in debt after? >> There’s a good question. Yeah, that’s a great question. >> Like when I get a lot at once, I spend it. >> Well, that’s why you’re in debt. Cool. Now you’ve answered that question. What’s the next question? >> Why? Why is it when I try to get clients, I try to build my business, >> it just doesn’t get traction. It doesn’t work. And I feel like >> So, you’re asking me the same question in multiple ways. Yeah, >> because you’ve had a client. >> Yeah, >> you just haven’t had enough. You have money, but when you have enough, you spend it. I don’t have blockage. I do have blockage. What’s the question? >> You’ve been asking this question for years. You have all these clues. You’ve been spending money on these clues. >> Yeah. >> Right. So, you’ve you’re I’m spending money on clues to find out why I don’t have money to spend. >> Like there So, there’s this whole weirdness. What’s And so potentially the whole issue is you’ve been asking the wrong question. So take a moment and tell me what the question is. How do I make money doing what I really want to do? What I love. Okay. So now just replace that with life. Replace the word money with life. >> How do I make life doing what I love? >> I don’t get it. >> What’s the difference between money and life? Money gives opportunities for life. Money gives freedom. It’s freedom. >> Yeah. Life is freedom. That’s my experience. >> Yes. Money equals freedom. >> Life equals freedom. Life equals freedom. >> Go like this. Go like this. >> That’s freedom. You have freedom to do this or this or this. This this >> Freedom is a birthright. So what’s the difference between life and money? Money is the confirmation from others >> Uhhuh. That’s the issue. >> Are using money as some version of confirmation. >> The confirm. >> Yeah. I was never allowed. >> The confirmation of others is blocked. Why can’t I do what I love and get the confirmation of others? This is the question you’re asking. [Music] >> Well, okay. Why can’t I do what I want and get the confirmation of others? Yes, that’s it. Yeah, that’s it. I I search that in other ways >> to get the confirmation from others about my projects, my ideas. >> You’ll never get it. >> What would make anybody want to confirm that? >> Yeah. It’s a codependency. So, like let that in for a minute. You’re never going to get the confirmation from others that you’re seeking. No, >> nobody ever has. >> Right now I’m on a call with whatever it was 500 and something people. >> I could consider this confirmation. There’s another 500 who thinks think that I’m an asshole or think that I’m inappropriate or think that I swear too much or I’m never going to get the confirmation of others. It never comes. It’s not how humans work. >> It’s like if I don’t then they don’t want to work with me. They don’t want to give me money. They want to do something with me. >> Yeah. So, no assholes make a living apparently. >> Say, say again the internet. >> I said no assholes make a living I don’t know how how some hedge fund managers do it. Then >> means there’s always someone who wants to work with you. >> There’s also lots of ways to make money without needing people to work with you. >> They’re not like myself. >> No, there’s the old pattern. That’s the old thought process. >> Trying to find something externally. >> The question is, what makes you look for confirmation from others when you can never get it? What makes me look for confirmation from others when I can never get it? because I’m not good enough to do it anything myself >> because therefore what I heard was because I can’t confirm myself. >> I can’t confirm myself. Yeah. Yeah. I don’t trust myself. >> Every question that you ask is what’s wrong with me. >> Yeah. you will turn any question into some version of what’s wrong with me. >> So, of course, you’re looking for outside confirmation. You’re not getting it from yourself. So, can you find one thing to confirm about yourself? One thing that you can say is pretty awesome about you. I moved to Switzerland with no money and got to job. Completely antithetical to every question that you’ve asked me so far. Oh, there’s a lot of stress involved. Why? >> Yeah, stress is involved. That’s what happens in life. >> You’re something you said at the beginning of the call. Really? >> Wait, see even that. Hold on a second. Even that there’s a lot of stress involved. Not my I have a lot of capacity to handle stress. >> Everything. You’re seeing everything through this lens. everything to the lens that I’m not >> good enough. >> Good enough. That’s >> Yes. Yes. Yes. >> So, do me a favor. Close your eyes for a minute. Listen to your thoughts. Every time your thought says something that is uh derogatory, mean, self-defeating, I want you to say, “Ouch.” Keep your eyes closed and I just want you to say ouch every time you hear it out loud. >> Mhm. I’m I’m not getting any mean or derogatory thoughts. >> Uh tell me what your thoughts are when they come. that I’ll never find a way out of this money block. >> That’s ouch. >> Ouch. >> If I said Yeah, that’s an ouch. >> Yeah, there we go. >> So, Peter, that’s what you’re looking to get out of. That’s the thing that you think if you have confirmation this will stop. >> Mhm. Mhm. >> It doesn’t. >> Will it ever? >> It does. There’s no way to stop it. >> Oh, of that’s a that’s a slightly odd question, but what you’re the way you’re looking for it isn’t going to make that work. >> Okay. Yeah. Stopping it, if you’re trying to stop it, it doesn’t stop. But if you react But if you react to it differently, it changes. >> Okay? >> Right now, it tells you you’re never going to get out of it and you believe >> So if you believe everything it says, it continues. Why would it not? Think about it like it’s a politician and if the population believes in it, it just keeps going. And at some point the population stops believing in it. It stops going >> momentum. Yeah. So how do you want to react to that? >> The the the the negative self talk. How do I >> You’re never going to get out of this. >> What’s the reaction you want to have? >> That I am going to get that I am going to get out of it. I am going to in a positive term I would say that I am going to find out what I want and do it and have the freedom that I want. That I’m going to have the freedom that I want. >> Great. >> Eventually. Ouch. >> Is that helpful if we just start? >> Every day now. Ouch. Ouch. >> Yes. Yeah. Really helpful. >> Okay. Also good ones are things like I see that you’re scared and I’m right here with you. Yeah, I seen that in a video you did recently like the the that kind of self talk when I beat myself up not doing enough and >> yeah that sort of just giving myself the permission to just let it be >> also I wonder if that’s true that’s a good one >> huh >> how true is that >> is that true >> or there’s a thousand of them experiment Hi. >> In other words, stop worrying if if it’s even ever going to happen and just understand it. >> Understand it. Like give it the love and compassion that you want. I’ll show you. Close your eyes. >> Let it do its thing. and see what it’s like just to give it love and compassion. Another word >> to give that that that part of me that is the negative self talk or the scared it will never happen to give it compassion. Love, compassion. Yeah. Tell me when you feel that love for it. I feel a a sympathy. I feel a an understanding or a or um I’m grasping for the right word. Feel a Yeah. kind of like an understanding. >> Like when you see someone suffering and you’re just like, “Oh, >> okay. It’s okay. I’ll be with you.” >> Now, do you want that or do you want money? If you had to spend your life with the amount of money you have now, but that deep understanding and compassion for for that part of yourself or you had all the money in the world that you wanted. Answer honestly, but all of that no compassion. You were still in that mind f*** >> What would you want? >> Yeah, of course the previous. But can’t I have both? >> Of course you can have both. >> You’ve just been doing the order of operations a little weird. >> What what can you expand on? >> Yeah. If you if you look at like as two dominoes, you can make the money and then you can do the self-standing is less efficient than do the self-love and compassion and then the money is easier. And the good news is the self-love and compassion doesn’t take but a couple days. >> When I do the self-love and compassion, freedom comes easier. >> Freedom is recognized easier. Freedom’s already here. recognize easier. >> When you were in that place, when you were in that place of love and compassion, how free did you feel? >> I It wasn’t even on the radar. >> exactly. >> And when you’re telling yourself you’re never going to get there, how free do you feel? >> No. totally like in chains. >> Thank you. >> If you found this coaching video helpful and you want to experience it yourself or participate in a live coaching event, just go here or click the link below. I’d love to see you there.