Summary
Joe and Brett dive into the technical, practical side of anger — how it gets repressed, what that repression looks like in the body, and specific techniques for releasing it cleanly. This is the sequel to their earlier theoretical episode on anger, focusing on what actually happens inside a person when anger is stuck.
They explore three forms of repressed anger: self-abusive talk, passive aggression, and explosive anger directed at others — all of which are “kinks in the hose” preventing clean emotional flow. Joe explains how these patterns get installed in childhood through three common pathways: witnessing destructive anger, having anger forbidden, or being rewarded for angry engagement. The episode covers what goes wrong during anger release (collapse, dysregulation, shame recreation) and offers practical tricks including listening to angry music, using actor technique, breathwork, and responding to the inner voice that blocks anger.
Joe emphasizes that clean anger release ends in clarity and determination — a visceral, somatic sense of knowing what to do, focused on yourself rather than on changing others. If that clarity doesn’t come, either anger isn’t the right emotion to process, or the person got lost in the story.
Key Concepts
- Three forms of repressed anger: self-abuse, passive aggression, and explosive anger
- Clean anger release ends in clarity and determination
- Collapse, dysregulation, and shame recreation during anger release
- Childhood origins of anger repression
- Using the actor technique to safely release anger
- Compassion used to bypass anger blocks the process
- Recycling anger covers underlying hurt, fear, or grief
Key Quotes
“If you’re following the mind it’s very hard to allow anger to move cleanly — whether your story is they’re absolutely wrong and they deserve this, or your story is no they deserve compassion, any kind of thick story around it is going to really make the anger have a hard time coming out in a clean way.”
“One of the quickest ways to help people with low-level dysthymia depression is just allow them to move their anger.”
“At the end of an anger movement you’re going to get kind of clarity and determination… it’s literally like relief, it’s like aha I know what to do, the tension that I’m feeling around it is so dissolved.”
“If you can’t love it, love the resistance to not loving it.”
“Ask your compassion to be compassionate to anger. If compassion’s really being compassionate, it’s accepting of everything including the anger.”
“Any feeling of stuckness in my life, any feeling of like not excited and joy, is where I know that I have something stuck and it needs to move.”
Transcript
if you’re following the mind it’s very hard to allow anger to move cleanly whether your story is they’re absolutely wrong and they deserve this or your story is no they deserve compassion any kind of thick story around it is going to really make the anger have a hard time coming out in a clean way welcome to the art of accomplishment where we explore how deepening connection with ourselves and others leads to creating the life we want with enjoyment and ease I’m Brett Kistler here today with my co-host Joe Hudson all right how are you doing today Joe I’m good I’m good I’m uh I’m really looking forward to the weekend with this AOA has been a lot it’s been a lot yes it’s been a lot this week so a while back we did an episode on anger and that was actually several months ago that we recorded it and now we’re doing a second one on anger and it’s a really interesting time to do it for me because in AOA we’re kind of in the middle middle to late AOA and after that feel over figure week a lot of stuff started coming up in some other groups and some of the partners and even even Among Us and some of our like circles and there’s just so much coming up around anger repressed anger sideways anger projections of anger projections of repressed sideways anger anger at the anger shame spirals all these things are happening and it’s all beautiful and juicy and like many of us are just still in it to some extent I definitely am yeah yeah and so this is this is something that I really want to come back to and do another episode on anger to follow up the previous one that we recorded which will have been released just before or this one by the time this comes out yeah and what I noticed in like the conversations that are happening on circle is that the a large portion of it is is like it’s around the technical part of anger it’s not like I think the last podcast we did I just listened to it knowing that we wanted to do anger again and um the last podcast that we did was just more on the theoretical and this feels like it’s more like like when I’m seeing everybody talk about on circle is just about the technicalities of anger and so to me that feels like a really cool place to talk about it what’s going on actually inside of a single person around anger so that’s exciting to me what are some of the symptoms that you see of of these forms of anger so there’s kind of three ways that it goes right there’s the there’s the anger in words so that’s like the self-abusive talk there’s the anger sideways right which is kind of passive aggression it’s like I’m angry but I’m not allowed to be angry so I do a whole bunch of things and that particular thing is really difficult for people to see that they’re doing when they’re doing it so passive aggressive lots of people don’t think they’re being passive aggressive when they are until they see it you know subtlety see it as they say and then and then the other kind of in the way that I look at it the other kind of repressed anger is getting angry at somebody it’s like that is repressed anger that’s that’s anger not coming out clearly either so if I think about anger as like a tube or a like a wire and it’s like is that wire open or is that wire constricted is it and if it’s twisted one way it’s like I’m not angry I’m not angry and if it’s twisted another way it’s like nice dress and if it’s twisted another way it’s like you so I think all of those are are forms of repressed anger and so like on a symptomatic level this looks like depression like oftentimes one of the quickest ways to help people with low level dysthymia depression is just allow them to move their anger its symptoms are abusive self-talk it’s people having a hard time feeling determination codependence passive aggression like you know blaming other people for your emotional experience that’s a form of passive aggression um uh being late or not taking out the trash or doing something that like you know is going to get the other person angry like that that level of passive aggression subtle undermining that happens the propensity to freeze in your own head like that is off all and then yelling at people taking your anger out on people that’s all forms of what I would call repression of the energy it’s it’s kinking the hose in one way or another yeah interesting you mentioned the the ones that you mentioned about being codependent with or guilting people those are those are interesting to me um those are ones that I’ve experienced a lot in my life and sometimes I’ve like relived that pattern a little bit and it doesn’t feel like anger it’s just like oh look what you’ve done there with your anger now now we’re all sad because the anger happened right yeah yeah and kind of psychology in general in our society in general especially kind of more in the left side of the political Spectrum anger itself is the bad guy and it’s not okay to be angry at somebody but it’s okay to be sad at them or you know it’s not even recognized that someone’s being sad at somebody and when you’re being sad at somebody in a weird way that that is passive aggression right so so yeah it’s it’s a fascinating thing and once you see it it’s like holy crap it’s happening all over these forms of passive aggressive but the person who’s doing it feels stuck they feel oppressed so they don’t they don’t always see that they’re doing it guilting somebody’s another great example of passive aggression so continuing on to some of these these reasons for repressed anger how how did these patterns end up getting installed in US yeah okay three basic General ways that it happens right so one of them is that you had an experience of somebody who is always angry as a as a child so like a mom or dad or a teacher and that anger became was at you it was manipulative it was trying to change you and then that became completely unsafe and so you vowed to yourself some way that like I will never do that to other people again so and it could be a sibling it could be a caretaker but where that anger was so destructive that you were like yeah I’m not doing that so that’s one way that we’ve like repressed it there’s another way that’s like anger was just never allowed in the house for whenever anger happened in the house it was all at people it was like so like that comes out that’s the form of repression that comes out you either got love removed from you if you were angry because it was just not allowed or you got attention by having the anger that was hurt like that guy that you got you the engagement in love as a kid that you that you wanted um and then it worked in a way yeah yeah exactly and then the other one is that I mean that was my my childhood right like I got the most engagement from my family when I was angry and for somebody who’s in that side of things like I was if you’re angry at someone you’re like ah ah and they’re like freeze or check out you’re like you’re abandoning me why are you abandoning me and the person on the other side of it who’s like why are you abandoning me by attacking me right like why like I have to go make myself safe so it’s it both of them feel trapped both of them feel abandoned so it’s just like which one you learned and then the last thing is that you were rejected punished if you got angry if you got angry in your house it was like you know and this happens at such a young age like temper tantrums like just like not allowing your kid to have like that full out and so that’s how it happens so basically you get taught to repress it in one of the ways something that’s interesting about this is there seem to be so many ways especially for this particular emotion to be to be repressed and so when when people of all different Stripes of you know anger suppression start to try to release anger what are some of the things that happen in the mind that just subtly block it before they even can become aware of it you know so let’s say I’m angry at you right I’m not getting angry at you because we do not suggest getting angry at anybody because that’s control that’s manipulation so I go off I get angry and my mind is gonna start saying things like well you know Brett’s point of view you know it’s totally reasonable to see it his way like he had like it that’s one of the ways it does it mine does that yeah and then the other one which is true I’m not saying that that’s not true by the way it’s just it’s an order of operations thing if you do that first then you’re not going to get through the anger right um which is the same thing as a second which is like compassion oh I should be compassionate no you’re angry be angry and then the compassion will naturally come out of that if the anger moves in a in a healthy attuned way you’ll start judging your anger release you’ll say that’s like that’s bad like especially people have like moral or religious things where they’re like these are the good emotions these are the bad emotions I’m supposed to be happy and I’m not allowed to be angry so they’ll your brain will do that and then you’ll also the other thing that happens is you’ll be you’ll hear your brain telling yourself you’re ignorant if you’ve lost control in your anger you’re ignorant right that’s the way it works if it’s like repressed as in like not coming out but if it’s coming out and it’s coming out kink like or passive aggressive oftentimes the way that the brain is talking to you and that is like you believe that you’re stuck you believe that you’re alone in it and that that’s how the brain convinces you to repress it in that way because stuck just means that you don’t want imagined consequences right so like I’m stuck because I can’t tell my wife that she’s a crappy cook because then she’ll get mad at me so what’s really true is that like I don’t want my wife to get mad at me not that I’m stuck so that’s the way that the mind works to repress it that way it’s like it it believes the story yeah that seems to also happen interpersonally too you can have you can have in a partnership that one person’s voice in the head is suppressing the other person’s anger and they’re like it just kind of like crosses the boundary there and then uh that’s I’m speaking from experience there in my life totally totally yeah we got to see that with the guy talking about the um anger to his parents today right like it’s like one person feels oppressed by the the anger that’s coming out right so so one person in the relationship someone’s like that form of repressed anger makes somebody else feel oppressed the other person’s form of repressed anger which is like I’m freaking out of here freeze like uh then that is makes this person feel abandoned and they both feel stuck and they’re both angry but nobody’s actually just allowing that free flow of anger to happen we were just talking about ways that the free flow of anger can be resisted in our Consciousness before we’re even aware of it and then there’s there’s other ways it can be resisted like in the body so we could be maybe recognizing that there’s anger or not but it’s coming through somehow into our actions into our muscle tension uh what are what are some of those resistances that might come up in that next layer yeah so let’s say you got abused as a kid for any time you were angry let’s say you had like a a brother who was a bully and every time you got angry you just got smashed right so so then you’re gonna have fear and I’ve seen this I’ve seen people release their anger for the first time and then as soon as they’ve done it they’re like and then we watch this in slow motion it’s so cool they go and then as they pull away and realize they got angry their eyes wide and they’re like they’re just totally frightened so the body will like have fear that happens that says it’s completely unsafe it’s very scared of re being rejected that’s another thing is that it will feel rejected oftentimes the body will be actually scared of the freedom that gets felt after anger the empowerment and the freedom and the less rigidity and holding so the so the body is like and I wouldn’t even say scared the body isn’t it’s used to something it’s used to holding in a certain way and and to ask it to unhold it just like it’s going to go through the process of unholding that stuff and that’s gonna come up in the form of like fear that you’ll be lost fear of of like losing some of the rigidity that’s how it’s going to work yeah it’s interesting so there’s like scared that there’ll be attacked so that would be actually just like the anger will be expressed through a physical protection kind of holding yeah in a weird way there’s almost always and every time there’s anger that overwhelm almost every time there’s anger the overwhelm is an overwhelming of some other like we talked about in that other podcast there’s like there’s this deep care but there’s also some fear there’s also hurt like there’s a lot of stuff happening underneath it yeah I’m interested in the one you talked about about being scared of the freedom that it will bring it seems that you know if you if you are afraid of your anger and you’re living in the story that other people’s anger is causing you a problem or that your anger is causing a problem and you’re in a shame spiral there’s a way that it’s easier to feel that than to feel the the power of well if my anger actually moved through me cleanly things would change around me and maybe I don’t feel like I trust myself or the world to integrate those changes in a way that like is good like the effects that come out from my determination are going to hurt people and I’m not going to want that to have happened right it’s the same thing right that’s what your mind is going to be saying it’s very similar to your mind saying oh you should be compassionate it’s like jumping into the future not paying attention to the present it’s jumping into the future and saying this is how like I think it should be this is how I think it’s gonna go instead of trusting the emotion right and that’s the whole thing the the essential piece is that hard to allow anger to move it’s really hard to allow anger to move cleanly story is no they deserve compassion either one of those stories any kind of thick story around it is going to really make the anger have a hard time coming out in a clean way yeah it’ll have to be funneled through one of those stories and then it becomes compressed into a like a sharp water cannon right including the story that I have to figure out how to get angry that I should get angry like there’s this yeah instead of just like it’s like it’s like overthinking going to the bathroom it’s literally like that like if you start really thinking about it it’s gonna get in the way of the of it moving in a clean efficient way so how can releasing anger go wrong once we’ve gotten through each of these steps you’re you’re recognizing it consciously you are now recognizing it in your body your body’s tension is allowing it through and then you release it how does what goes wrong there yeah so again depending on kind of the way that it’s kinked if it’s kinked in one way if it’s kinked where it’s like usually um goes into um kind of either the internal or the passive aggression you’re going to go into collapse particularly the passive aggression you’re going to go into collapse so you’ll start the anger we’ll start going and then you’ll go you’re like literally when I see people do this when we’re doing this with people in person you’ll see them like they collapse into it and so that’s one thing that happens the other thing that happens if they fully believe the story if they fully buy into that they have a reason to be angry blah blah blah blah then they become unregulated that like they they actually lose control so when people think about when people in our society say that person was angry they’re usually talking about a person who’s become dysregulated they’re like out of their body they’re out of their experience they’re saying things that they don’t want to say which is just another form of repressed anger and then the other thing that happens is people recreate the shame so they’ll they’ll get angry in such a way that destroys something they’ll get angry in such a way they’ll get angry at somebody they’ll get angry in a way that hurts themselves and so they’ll do that so that they can then prove to themselves anger isn’t good anger isn’t isn’t a good thing it it’s hurting people blah blah blah blah so when people move that anger those are the things that will happen often is they’ll go into collapse they’ll go into dysregulation or they’ll recreate their shame and that that’s where anger can go wrong it sounds like those are actually kind of stages uh like collapse first you have anger you’re just going to cut the anger off let’s not cause problems so I’m talking about something different so we’re saying someone’s moving their anger we’re not saying that they’re cutting it off cutting it off is like I’m not angry or you know that of course I’m talking about like like literally like they go their their back bends their you know they they it’s like shame hits them okay so maybe maybe a stages wasn’t the term for it but I still see sort of a progression here it’s like the first times that you might release some anger might move some anger that’s been held for a long time it’ll come out a little bit and then you’ll collapse you’ll feel it somewhat and then it’ll it’ll you’ll the anger will come out and then there’ll be some kind of kind of a collapse like uh let’s back the chain up you know let’s undo that and then this next another way that it comes out is maybe more of the anger comes out and it’s unregulated and it’s just sort of a mess and if you do that enough you’ll end up in a situation where maybe you’ve recreated the shame I would say it’s not quite that way um so I would say it’s more of if you’re the person who is doing more self-abusive stuff then you’re likely to go into collapse if you’re the person who took it out on people a lot then you’re going to more likely get into the unregulated side of it if you’re somebody who has a lot of Shame around their anger then you’re going to recreate the shame around the anger and you could be one or all of those things so it might be a progression for some like you’re pointing out and for other people it might be the exact reverse progression and some people it might just be only one thing that they do yeah interesting so then what does what does somebody do about this uh about each of these if you if you’re lucky enough to catch this happen in yourself yeah yeah yeah yeah so the the dysregulation one is is the most interesting to me right which because it’s the one that our society is most scared of is someone getting angry and actually like losing control and it’s I think deep down the fear that we almost all have around getting angry it’s like I’m gonna destroy and we talked about this in the other podcast so that one is it’s not believing the story it’s seeing yourself as an actor it’s like being in the Observer position is a far better way to do it it’s like allowing so for somebody who’s goes into freeze or flight being in the Observer position is going to completely shut off anger they’re just not going to be able to access it so for those people they’re going to need to go into the story a bit they’re going to need to believe this story a bit until the anger can move and they can listen to their body whereas a person who’s like believes that everybody is screwed up and they need to get angry to fix the situation or that it’s highly okay that they’re angry then the best thing for them is to actually move into the awareness position to see themselves being angry it’s the best When I See This the exercise I give people is be an actor playing the role of you getting angry so that they can see that it’s like oh I’m just here to give a good performance but I I on some level I don’t believe it what’s the way if somebody’s doing that they’re doing this on their own they’re doing it without coaching or facilitation and they’re having some anger move and they’re like okay so I’m gonna get into the story a little bit Yeah and then once the anchor starts moving they go further and further into the story and then really buying into it what’s what’s a way to internally catch that if this is a practice that people are exploring on their own just from this podcast alone so you know you’ll know the feeling of being of buying into the story and the fact that you get you’re unregulated there are times where if you lose yourself in the release of anger there’s like there’s a huge amount of Freedom there but dysregulated is a little bit different and so what I mean by that is where you’ve left your body where you don’t feel like you’re in your body anymore maybe for some people they’re like looking at themselves from above and in some people they’re not aware of the time and space it’s like they’ve completely lost themselves and so if that’s happened it means you bought into the story way way way way too much and the other thing that will happen is the anger won’t provide Clarity at the end so at the end of an anger movement you’re going to get kind of clarity and determination that’s what’s going to happen if you don’t get there it means that anger isn’t the proper emotion or you got completely lost in the story and so you’re just you’re just basically re-traumatizing yourself at that point and can you be more specific on Clarity and determination because I think one of the things that can happen is somebody finds Clarity and they’re like okay I’m clear this person needs to change or yeah I’m pretty clear them yeah so what do you what do you really mean by when it’s actually moved through the clarity and determination it’s a visceral sense right so I’m clear them is there’s no Clarity in that somatic experience so it’s literally like relief it’s like aha I know what to do it’s clear there’s no more fight in me there’s no more or it’s not that there’s no words but the tension that I’m feeling around it is so dissolved right and so it actually could be I wouldn’t say them but it could be like Yeah The Clarity is that I don’t want to be around them definitely so it could be that but if it’s like yeah I’m clear them you’re not clear but if it’s like oh oh yeah I don’t want I realize I don’t want to be around them and so that’s the second kind of clue is that Clarity is all about you it’s not about anybody else so it’s I don’t want to be there around them it’s an eye like it’s about yourself right it’s a it’s about yourself it’s about what you’re going to do from your empowered place and not what needs to happen around you yes that’s right yeah I think we only got to one so you asked me this question what do you do about the collapse what do you do about the unregulated what do you do about the shame the shame one I think all you need is awareness it’s just like don’t hurt yourself don’t hurt others don’t do it at anybody don’t break like it’s just that simple like how do you do that without a without that becoming a should like I said I think all that’s necessary is awareness if you’re just aware that oh like one of the things I might do is recreate the cycle of Shame around this anger and then if you see it and you do it and you go oh that’s just me recreating the shame around it that’s all that’s necessary if you make it a should it’s you know then it’s going to take a lot longer it’s gonna take a lot longer and then with the collapse if you notice you go into collapse you know you have the use of Will and just be like yeah I’m not doing that just like you would in a workout but the other thing that you can do is just repeat one sentence like no no I won’t collapse I won’t collapse or you can’t stop me just whatever that sentence is that triggers the anger response it’s like to feel the the oppression of the collapse instead of the oppression of the anger to feel the oppression of the collapse and respond to it and be like no I’m not going there no I will be empowered you will not stop me you will not stop me you will not stop me from being angry that is a really good thing it often has huge releases for people if they can just find that phrase in response to that very early childhood no you can’t be angry yeah you can it seems like you could do that internally with your voice you can do that with a partner you can do that have that come out at Society or around Society in your you know in your safe place to express anger yeah you said something with a partner which is a kind of something that we do in our work which is like oh we’re we’ll move anger with other people which makes moving anger a lot easier but it’s there’s a lot of pitfalls there um a lot of people want to be good with anger when they’re not or somebody who has had a lot of anger trauma in their life will freak out if people are getting angry around them so if you’re moving anger with other people I suggest that hey everybody moves it in themselves first by themselves that’s a for sure thing do it with like one person and make sure there’s like you can stop it at any time you do not want to recreate trauma for anybody this is all great and the thing that I was actually referring to about like with a partner might be that like if if you feel that that partner is not allowing you to be angry ah there’s there’s that whole like fractal layers of my internal voice and the head doesn’t let me be angry I find myself in a partnership with someone who doesn’t let me be angry I have a society that I believe won’t let me be angry and that I can’t there’s this there’s these layers of layers like I am allowed to be angry or no or one that I’ve heard recently um my partner was like I exist yeah yeah yeah yeah that’s a great it’s just an affirmation which is letting letting it move and getting out of the collapse yeah that’s exactly right I exist is a great one yeah yeah beautiful cool yeah so those are that’s kind of the things to do around those things that can go wrong while releasing so let’s get into some more of the just tricks for getting this to move before we do I’m just thinking about something I’m thinking about this thing of like so you move the a I’m just seeing if we’re missing something here so you realize you have this the kind of the these are the symptoms of it I see that I need to move the anger in a clean way these are the things that can get in the way of me doing it then I do it these are the things that can go wrong while I’m doing it I think there’s another the other piece that I wanna speak to is sometimes somebody who’s so used to anger is like kind of the default thing once you start releasing it that you can use it as a way to cover the under underlying hurt or fear that can happen and so if you notice you’re releasing anger and maybe even you get like small bits of clarity but it’s not like this oh yeah I see it moment and it just keeps on recycling really quickly every couple days or every day or something like that then you have some other stuff to feel underneath then you have some some fear or some hurt or some helplessness that’s still the Earth grief that’s left to feel and so I would play with that I would allow myself to feel those things so let’s move on to to some some tricks for people to be releasing their anger in a way that is safe and then reaching that determination and Clarity or uncovering some of those other feelings that they might be avoiding because it’s not always entirely about anger listen to Tool exactly yeah I love it yeah yeah yeah take some leeches I’ve been really into their album I don’t know the one that like came after a long period of time but yeah I like tool in particular because it’s so angry and aggressive but it’s also speaking to this kind of deep spiritual truth which is like a cool but whatever any kind of anger um any kind of angry music can be really helpful that’s a really good one and if you’re doing anything like my learning how to be sad you can just fake it too you can just say I was working with somebody the other day and and they were having this hard time you know we were going back into when they were five years old and and it’s like well what would have been like to go through this scenario but getting angry at your father and it literally they couldn’t say and I was like well just fake it just fake it you know it doesn’t have to be towards your Dad we’re just gonna if you were like playing a five-year-old what would you and then that could release it so that’s a that’s a cool way to do it yeah and similar to the performance like being an actor right just giving giving yourself the space to all right I’m just if if I were to let myself be angry and not do the other thing what would that actually look like well let’s pretend so you can either be the actor and focus on the fact that it’s not you who’s angry and that’s for somebody who gets disregulated and then and then you can focus on giving a good performance if you’re the kind of person who’s like just not going to get angry like how do you get give a good performance the other thing is like to respond to some of the thoughts at the beginning so the thought says there’s no real good reason to be angry they have their reasons you should be compassionate like the my favorite thing to say is like hey I’ve listened to you for like a decade now I’m just gonna listen to anger for like 20 minutes I’m just gonna listen for 20 minutes that’s another way if you get dysregulated is like to listen to the either way either you’re playing the actor or you’re listening to the anger there’s a part of you that is outside of the process and the anger moves a lot quicker if you’re if there’s some part of you outside of the process and the anger is moving both two things have to be happening so but yeah just responding to the voice in your head telling you not to you know hey just I’m gonna listen for 15 minutes see what it has to say yeah having a having a view conversation with it essentially for a little bit comes out yeah um it seems like you can also I mean you can go go places there’s times that you might be feeling this and it might be in the middle of a board meeting and you’ve got the stuff going on and maybe you’re just like okay okay voice I’m going to listen to you that this anger isn’t safe here right now for I’ll listen to you for the next 10 minutes and then when I’m driving home I’m gonna listen to the anger that’s right but finding a safe place for it finding a safe place is important yelling in a pillow putting music on so nobody can hear you going to the beach doing it in the car doing it in nature you can just sit there and rant you don’t ha I mean it’s best if you’re releasing anger with your physical body and your voice and your sounds that’s where you’re going to get like the most but you can just be like God damn I hate when that happens why the is that always happening like right it can it can literally just be like a rant that anybody could not hear from a different room it’s not going to release the musculature the trauma musculature the same way but it it still is a great process of moving the anger what about breath work yeah breath is huge so um it’s way too complicated to describe here but I will say hey if you can breathe in a way that builds up your anger great that’s a great way for those people who’ve repressed anger in a way that it’s self-abusive or the passive aggression to be able to breathe in such a way that allows you to get angry breathe like the Hulk anyway it’ll be different for different people but that yeah that would be a great one um have the determination of working out is the same thing and literally telling your body hey it’s safe it’s okay to literally say hey I’m not going to be abused here I’m not going to get attacked by my abusive brother I’m not going to I’m not going to destroy anybody I’m not hurting anybody nobody’s here to hear me like literally to just tell your body that give your body that message I it seems simple but it can totally work what if you’re someone like me who goes straight to compassion first yeah and anger comes up and then the body’s just like no like I love whoever I’m angry at ask your compassion to be compassionate to anger hmm if compassion’s really being compassionate it’s accepting of everything including the anger the last thing I would say is just to allow yourself so I’ll do this you you’ve probably seen me do this sometimes like you’ll see a couple people when we’re like talking about it on Circle they’ll say something and I’ll respond and then they’re like that made me really angry and so typically what’s happening there is that they are saying something about like I’m a victim and I’m stuck and I call that victim into question and they get pissed it’s like the response when the victim is called into question right when it’s like really like you know because your wife went to work and now you’re a stay-at-home dad you’re the one that’s not in control and you have to do everything your wife says really because it seems like you have like you’re the slave master and she’s doing all the work for you and making all the money so what are we talking about here right and they’ll go be like what the you know like and then that anger comes up I’m like yeah that that that that so if you can deconstruct the victim the thing that thinks you’re stuck and say actually you’re just pretending the victim will get pretty damn angry and so that’s another little trick you can use so to wrap this one up I’m I’m curious to ask you about a time like the most recent time that you found yourself having some repressed anger and how you caught it how you knew it got to Clarity whether or not it was true Clarity or later on you’re like wait a minute there’s still some more yeah okay couple things in that there’s always still some more I mean like I don’t know if it’s like accumulated meaning like yeah in two weeks I’ll have some anger that hasn’t so there’s always something there to move it doesn’t mean that I it’s it’s a very hard thing to describe but it’s just like there’s just a natural cycle in the body that like accumulates and moves emotions it’s just what happens and just like all your other systems they accumulate stuff and then they move it you know I keep on using the bathroom but it’s like it’s a very similar thing and then um so there’s really no time where there isn’t some sort of thing in there that can be moved the way that I notice that my emotional movement needs to happen and it’s not usually so much like anger or sadness once you start moving the stuff it it feels very much over time it just feels like it’s either stuck or not stuck and when you release it it can move from anger to sadness to fear all inside of like a couple minutes but what happens is I wake up a little bit not wanting to face the day that’s a pretty damn good thing that tells me um if I am reacting to my stress in any way that’s another thing that tells me and both of those two things happened you know the course is a lot of work that we have a lot more happening this year than we did last year and so I’m really wanting to care for everybody and at the same time wanting to care for myself and that balance has not been entirely balanced the whole time so there’s been moments where I’m just like oh I don’t want to get onto Circle and do this work and that tells me oh I have some emotion that I need to move so it’s really any feeling of stuckness in my life any feeling of like not excited and joy is where I know that I have something stuck and it needs to move yeah yeah okay this has been awesome thank you Joe yeah pleasure pleasure good to see you Brett you too looking forward to the next one thanks for listening to the art 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