Summary
In this live coaching session, a woman asks how to know what she uniquely has to offer the world. Joe quickly identifies that she already knows her purpose — helping people live more joyful lives — but is trying to find her specific “superpower” or “genius” using someone else’s framework. This search itself is joyless and takes her away from the very gift she wants to give.
When Joe guides her to drop from her head to her heart, what emerges is warmth, love, and spaciousness — her actual gifts. He points out that the intellectual search for a framework to articulate her unique value is the opposite of embodying it. She’s been repeatedly contorting herself into other people’s rigid frameworks for self-validation, and every time it feels awkward and inauthentic. Joe shares a story of a coach who simply said “I help people die better” — speaking from his nature rather than a polished pitch. The session ends with her apologizing to herself for forcing herself into others’ frameworks.
Key Concepts
- Your gifts are your nature, not a framework to discover
- Searching for your superpower takes you away from it
- Contorting yourself into others’ frameworks blocks authenticity
Key Quotes
“So if the universe let that work for you it would really be screwing you hard — like here I’m going to teach you how to get people to joy by being completely not in joy.”
“Your gift and what you want to give is this and then you somehow go into your head which takes you away from the thing that you want to give — takes you away from your superpowers.”
“I’m so sorry for trying to force you into somebody else’s rigid framework when really that has nothing to do with me.”
“He just said ‘I help people die better’ and this famous person immediately sat down and started a conversation.”
“How many times have you tried to put yourself in some framework that is going to apparently validate you? … It’s always an awkward contortionist experience.”
Transcript
I’m I’m having a hard time grasping at it and it does that mean you’re having a hard time putting it into words yes and I think some do me a favor just go to your heart instead of your your brain like just literally put your attention in your heart what what’s the heart’s answer no that was the brain to get out of the brain heart in this coaching session that happened in one of our public q& is a woman shows up wondering what are her specific gifts to give to the world and what she discovers is something that she’s been doing for years that is constantly causing her pain and how to avoid it so my question is I’m noticing my heart’s racing a bit yeah um is how do I know what I uniquely have to offer how was that question different than like what is my purpose H the purpose feels a little bit clearer but the how and what makes yeah like what is my kind of unique how what’s your purpose I just want to help people live more joyful lives oh cool great so that okay so I see I see that I see what your how the distinction is happening what makes you think you need to decide that answer what if what if you said what what would what do you think would happen if you said you know what I know my purpose is to help people leave more joy lives and I’m I’m going to see how that unfolds I know that I because I’m so clear on my purpose I’m just going to see how that unfolds and everywhere I go I’m going to be doing that and then I’m just going to see how that happens what what what do you think would go down that sounds like a blast and kind of like what I’ve been doing okay and it feels like I’m looking for language around well what makes what’s my superpower what makes me uniquely me more from a business perspective how joyful is that search it’s it feels very by the book and not very expansive yeah yeah yeah so if the universe let that work for you it would really be screwing you hard like would be like here I’m going to teach you how to get people to Joy by being completely not a joy this was going to be wonderful is that not how it works yeah I guess I’m trying to fit into a mold of well you should know what you’re really great at and your Genius and your superpower and kind of these fixed buckets yeah because that’s what makes a joyful world right yeah the interesting thing on top of that is that I know you know the answer that yeah I I’m I’m having a hard time grasping at it and it is that mean you’re having a hard time putting it into words yes and I think some do me a favor just go to your heart instead of your your brain like just literally put your attention in your heart what what’s the heart’s heart it take it’s going to take its time don’t don’t force anything it’s very warm yeah it’s very warm and loving yeah that seems like at least two of your gifts it’s also chill yeah yeah so how many people do you think just in the Greater Austin area need warm loving chill probably more than one you might want to add humor yeah yeah like noticing this space is like there’s not frantic energy it’s just very spacious yeah so your your gift and what you want to give is this and then you somehow go into your head to which takes you away from the thing that you want to give takes you away from the actual your your superpowers yeah yeah yeah I can just stay with that yeah and you can speak from there too what do you do I mean I literally sat with one of the one of the better coaches that I’ve ever met he was he was pretty world famous literally we’re on like this Summit at Sea thing I don’t know how the hell we got there but and so there’s like all the it’s like this big connecting event and we were overwhelmed by it so we were sitting on like the deck chairs of this boat and somebody came along some like important person came along and they were like what do you do for a living and he’s like I help people die better that was that was his answer and this famous person’s like immediately sat down and like and like they started a conversation and he became a client I just help people die better and he never had answered the question like that before for but he was coming from his bace that is the gift what you’re calling the gift I would just call his nature yeah and that was where he was he was just hanging out there years ago a friend introduced me and the person he was introducing me to said oh and what does she do and he just said she motivates people yeah and it it was one of the most singular moments of feeling seen that I’ve ever had well there you go yeah what’s the so why what’s with the wild goose chase when you’ve had the answer I think it’s trying to fit into a framework that somebody else has created for how we articulate ourselves and for what makes what what validates our how many times have you done that how many times have you tried to put yourself in some framework that is going to apparently validate you to some oh my gosh probably many and it’s always awkward contortionist experience yeah yeah yeah yeah you want to apologize to yourself for doing that yeah I’m G to look at my frame yeah good I’m so sorry for trying to force you into somebody else’s rigid framework when really that has nothing to do with me and I love you thank you you’re welcome what a pleasure