Summary
A woman who transitioned from comedy to coaching carries deep shame around money — both having it and not having it. Joe quickly cuts through the stories to the felt experience: when she actually feels into what’s wrong with her, nothing is. The shame only exists in thought, not in embodied reality.
Joe traces her money pattern to childhood: she learned to connect with her parents through performance (comedy), not authenticity. Now as a coach, she’s unconsciously replaying the same pattern — trying to “save” clients the way she tried to save her parents, while believing she can’t make money being herself. The shame about using her grandmother’s inheritance reveals the same wound: believing she doesn’t deserve support for pursuing what she loves.
The session culminates in a simple reframe: shame is like the monster under a child’s bed — it just wants a hug. When she simply exists with the shame instead of fighting it, it dissolves.
Key Concepts
- Shame dissolves when felt, not fought
- Money patterns replay childhood connection patterns
- Performing for connection blocks authentic earning
Key Quotes
“So shame means that there’s something wrong with you because there is… So tell me, what’s wrong with you?”
“When you feel into it, nothing’s wrong with you. When I feel into the truth of it, nothing’s wrong with me. But when you think about it — I could write a book on it.”
“How much of this money thing is that you knew how to get the love if you performed but if you just did the thing that was true to your heart you wouldn’t get the love?”
“Shame is your monster. It’s as real as the monster under my daughter’s bed. And you just learned how to hug it.”
Transcript
so shame means that there’s something wrong with you cuz there is yeah yeah so tell me tell me what’s wrong with you um well I guess the story right now is like I don’t care about the story I want to know what the fuck is wrong with you what is wrong with you when my daughter was younger she went through one of those phases where there’s a monster under the bed and we learned that the monsters just want hugs and in this coaching session you’re going to see what that means when you translate it into adulthood this session was recorded during one of our live q&as where people can raise a hand and be coached by me I hope you get a lot out of it I just noticed I have like a lot of nerves coming up um I have a lot of Shame around money and um and shame around shame around having too much of it or not enough of it or both both I love thank you let’s just let’s just do it close your eyes for a minute feel the shame feel the shame that you have around money too much of it not enough of it the whole thing tell me when you’ve got it in your body yeah okay and I don’t want you to think for a moment like I just want you to tell me the first time you felt this shame even if it had nothing to do with money just let the shame take you back to the history of yeah you’ve got it already what is it what’s that memory that that shame comes from I mean shame is like has been so present with me for my whole life and it shows up in so many different ways yeah so shame means that there’s something wrong with you because there is yeah yeah so tell me tell me what’s wrong with you um well I guess the story right now is like I don’t care about the story I want to know what the fuck is wrong with you what is wrong with you I mean when when you ask you know when I feel into it it’s like I nothing’s wrong with me you know I yeah nothing’s wrong with me yeah so when you feel into it nothing’s wrong with you when I like feel into the truth of it nothing’s wrong with me yeah but when you think about it yeah when I think about it I mean I could write a book on it right exactly just do me another favor what’s wrong with money well don’t think about it you’re thinking about it yeah feel feel into money when you feel into money what’s wrong with it well the first thing that popped in my head was like that I haven’t been able to make it you’re totally able to make it I can’t buy that for a second you might not want to you might not want to you might not have to but you totally can are you kidding me what I can but in the way that I want you know like I I feel like my in 2020 um I don’t need story I I don’t need this story yeah so so how okay just to see if I know I can get it but I can’t get it in the way that I want also kind of like I know I can get it but I can’t get it if I’m being authentic and being myself is that what is that what we’re talking about or what are we talking like how would you yeah no I Pro like I mean feeling into it like the second one I well okay I want to like tell you just a quick story but okay quick go my I shift careers and in the first career I like everything was so easy and it came very easily and now doing something that I love has been really and I love the other thing too but haven’t been able to create wealth with it yeah yeah and I have like money from my grandmother that I started to tap into for the first time in my life and it I have a lot of Shame around that because that’s wrong that’s what she she let she gave you money to not use to find your happiness your grandmother she was a fuck what a fuck there was a whole bunch of money but whatever you do don’t use it to find your happiness oh my God so how much of this is a reflection of you not getting the love you wanted as a kid when you were being authentic you knew how to get the love if you performed but if you just did the thing that actually was true to your heart you wouldn’t get the love that you wanted how much of this money thing is that you know what’s funny is I was a comedian and then I stopped being a comedian oh I just imagine how much you got rewarded sitting around the table making your parents laugh I can’t even imagine yeah yeah totally totally and what is it that you wanted and what is it that you want do now a coach and now I’m a coach but yeah like I got like I felt like that was the only time I could connect with them yeah yeah that’s right and how much how much the coaching is actually just you still trying to save your parents probably save like try to figure out how to connect with them yeah yeah yeah that’s what’s getting in the way of you making money coaching so do I kill my parents you’re probably a very good comedian though what but I I feel like I’ve tried everything so so there’s something wrong with you and that’s why you can’t connect right as a kid if you can’t connect with your parents you have to assume there’s something wrong with you yeah you’re just reliving that pattern now you’re reliving it in coaching there must be something wrong with me because I can’t connect but the root of it is that there’s something wrong with you and you can’t even figure out what it is like you can think about what it is but you can’t actually like your whole body can’t figure out what’s wrong with you I’m trying to like because I feel like I’ve worked through so much shame even the trying assumes that there’s something wrong with you or I have worked through so much shame like just felt it released it like even this justification yeah is is part of your belief that there’s something wrong with you I guess like and the only thing that comes up is just like well I’m sure other things would come up but is like I I haven’t been able to figure out like do figure out what like figure out how to do life in it’s like new chapter but you’re saying it’s way like I guess I’m trying to like feel into that feel into what feel into like the the the because it clearly is still there because it does come up and it expresses itself yeah so what what do I do with it what what’s wrong with you what happens to your shame just in that question you just ask the question and the shame just dissipates yeah yeah what do you do like when my when my daughter was young she had there you know she went through the monster phase there was a monster and I would tell her oh you know what monsters really want they really want hugs and so she would like hug the monster shame is your monster it’s as real as the monster under my daughter’s bed and you just learned how to hug it yeah right now see now you’re just existing with it where’s your shame now it I don’t like I don’t feel it yeah yeah yeah thanks thanks for getting the the camera and everything working that was a pleasure thank you so much thanks so much yeah