Summary
Joe Hudson outlines how listening — both active (asking questions) and passive (receiving) — is a key driver of success and fulfillment. Drawing from his 15 years as a venture capitalist, he notes that out of dozens of weekly pitches, only four or five founders ever asked him what he was looking for. The ones who did stood out immediately.
He explains that how you listen matters enormously: listening with judgment closes people down; listening to fix creates resentment; listening with unconditional acceptance opens everything up — more honesty, more data, more connection, more opportunities. Joe shares a story of listening to a stranger on a train talk about horticulture for over an hour, creating a genuine friendship through nothing but attention.
The practical advice is counterintuitive: the fastest way to become a better listener to others is to practice listening to yourself with unconditional acceptance — even just 1-2 minutes a day. He closes with a client story where simply listening with unconditional acceptance transformed both a marriage and a business.
Key Concepts
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Listening to yourself with unconditional acceptance is the fastest path to listening well
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Listening with unconditional acceptance transforms relationships
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Asking questions is the most powerful form of active listening
Key Quotes
“Do you want to be listened to? Yeah, of course you do. Who doesn’t want to be listened to?”
“Listen to yourself with unconditional acceptance, one minute a day, two minutes a day. It’s amazing how you react, but it also makes you really good at listening to others.”
“As people talk about their problems, eventually they run into their own solutions.”
“I don’t often even know what I’m going to say when I get up on stage. I’m just listening.”
Transcript
in this video we’re going to talk about how listening can help you succeed and how it can leave you fulfilled my name is Joe Hudson and I’m a former venture capitalist and I now coach some of the most well-known names in Silicon Valley so before we get into what kind of listening helps you succeed and how to listen I want to talk about the fact that there’s two forms of listening one is an active form of listening and one is a passive form of listening active form of listening basically means that you are evoking information and then listening to it whereas passive forms of listening is just the receiving of information and both of those two things can deeply affect how successful you are and the Fulfillment you feel when you are successful so I was a venture capitalist for 15 years I received dozens of pitches every week many people coming to me looking for us to invest in their company and of all those pitches after 15 years it was really only five maybe four people that ever asked me questions about what we wanted to see so I got presentations but nobody said hey what’s important to you about your investment thesis we put it on the website but often times their pitch decks didn’t match the things that we were interested in seeing and that means they just weren’t even listening or asking the right questions I remember this moment where a CEO came in and said hey tell me about your business model tell me what you’re looking for in your investment so I can tell you if we’re fit and how we’re fit and I remember going finally somebody actually is listening to us not by just paying attention but listening by asking us questions another great example of this is that I now work with a ton of Executives and they all have to hire people they have to hire a lot of people whenever they say hey I found somebody I’m really excited about them my response is always the same I was like let me guess they asked you more questions than you asked them in the interview and they’re like yeah how did you know because that’s what actually engages people think about it this way do you want to be listened to yeah of course you do who doesn’t want to be listened to everybody wants to be listened to therefore if you’re asking somebody questions you’re basically saying hey I’m interested in how you think I’m interested in our connection in the interaction and that allows for a relationship to build so asking questions an active form of listening is super critical so how we listen can have a huge influence on the data that we receive on how people treat us and the opportunities that we find so let me explain a little bit if I was listening to you and I was doing it for from a stance of judgment where I’m judging you the whole time you’re going to notice that you’re going to share less information with me you’re not going to be as vulnerable with me I’m not going to know as much about you I’m going to basically have no connection with you at the end of the conversation or I’m going to listen to you like you need my help like I need to be of value like I need to fix something in you and that means you’re going to respond with maybe a little resentment maybe a little tentativeness so there’s a whole bunch of things that you invite when you try to fix somebody and try to be of value to them alternatively imagine that you’re just being listened to with unconditional acceptance just simple unconditional acceptance you’re going to get a lot more data you’re going to get to hear a lot more about the person they’re going to share a lot more they’re going to be more vulnerable it’s going to be more honest it’s going to be more patient it’s going to be more enjoyable they’re going to want to hang out with you more you’re going to hear them more clearly you’re not going to be thinking about what to say and as they unwind as they share with you you’re going to start seeing opportunities right you’re going to see what they want to invest in either in a relationship or in a business and you’re going to get to see if it’s a right match for you so that’s what listening just by the way that you listen how it can affect relationships that you have so I was on a train ride once and I decided to really explore how well I could listen and so I asked a person on the train a simple question I can’t remember like what are you passionate about and I listen to them speak for over an hour and it was interesting for me and it was very interesting for them and I recognized at this moment oh not only did I learn a tremendous amount about horiculture because that’s what they were passionate about but I also made a friend I also created a connection I also learned a tremendous amount and they felt fulfilled because we all want to be listened to so we go into a meeting and we think to ourselves okay here’s what I’m going to do here’s how I’m going to present here are the slides this is what it’s going to be but we’re not asking how we listen so when I go up on stage I’m talking in front of 500 or a thousand people I’m listening I don’t often even know what I’m going to say when I get up on stage I’m just listening I start interacting with the audience I see what they want and then the whole thing comes from that listening Place rather than from some formula that I think is going to impress somebody and it always works so recently we were doing one of our workshops on listening it was a great workshop and somebody asked me this question which I just thought was so wonderful they said hey I’m not really built to listen to people like this I’m not good at it how do I get better at listening and my response was like Hey like with any skill you want to build reps right you want to do little repetitions and so you could do that with somebody else but that will actually not be the quickest way to learn how to listen the best way is to listen to yourself with unconditional acceptance 1 minute a day 2 minutes a day just listen put a reminder on your phone to just listen to yourself unconditionally with unconditional acceptance and it’s amazing how you react but it also makes you really good at listening to others so to close off I want to tell you a story about one of my clients one of my clients had a relationship that was causing them a lot of pain and it was stopping them from being as successful in their career because they were always focused on all the pain that was happening in their relationship and one day they decided hey I’m going to just listen with unconditional acceptance just that simple thing and I remember the next week during one of our coaching sessions they came back and they were just like wow is it that simple can like like what they just needed to be listened to and and in that came this like huge Epiphany for them that that just this realization that oh wait probably my employees don’t feel listened to my direct reports don’t feel listened to and they just start opening up and listening and all of a sudden they understood the problems of their business they understood the problems of their marriage people felt closer to them they shared more deeply and in that sharing and as they talked about their problems the solutions started forming because as people talk about their problems eventually they run into their own Solutions so if you want a life that feels really fulfilling because listening feels really good especially listening to yourself then all you have to do is listen and watch the world unfold if you want more content like this hit subscribe or tell us what you want to hear in one of the comments and watch the next video