Summary
Joe Hudson explores the negative repetitive voice in the head—what it is, where it comes from, and how to work with it. He distinguishes between two types of inner voice: the repetitive negative self-talk (the focus of this video) and the occasional epiphany voice that offers creative ideas.
He explains that the negative voice originates from how we were parented—critical parents produce critical inner voices, nitpicky parents produce nitpicky ones. Despite common belief that we need this voice to stay productive, Joe argues it’s like having a terrible micromanaging boss standing over you all day, which actually drains energy rather than creating motivation.
Joe offers four approaches for working with the voice: changing your reaction to it, welcoming it with love, recognizing that everything it says is not the complete truth, and seeing the care underneath its harsh delivery. Crucially, he warns that trying to get rid of the voice will always fail—resistance makes it persist. The goal is a better relationship, not elimination.
Key Concepts
- The inner critic mirrors how you were parented
- Resisting the inner critic only strengthens it
- Welcoming the inner critic dissolves its power
- The inner critic is a guide to unhealed parts
- Everything the inner critic says is an act of care
Key Quotes
“According to the Mayo Clinic at least 50,000 thoughts happen in our head every day.”
“We’re basically reinventing how we were parented in our head and it’s just perpetually going.”
“Imagine you went to work and your boss was right next to you going ‘yeah yeah type faster… come on why aren’t you working fast.’ You think you’d be more productive? It wouldn’t work.”
“If you try to get rid of it you’re resisting it and the more you resist it the more it persists.”
“Fall in love with it. It doesn’t mean that you do what it says… it just means you love it the way you might love a little kid having a temper tantrum.”
“There is nothing it says to you that isn’t an act of care, granted it says it horribly.”
Transcript
what is the voice in the head the voice in the head is this voice that’s literally talking to us all the time according to the Mayo Clinic at least 50,000 thoughts happen in our head every day and how do we know those thoughts are happening we’ll just stop thinking for a minute and maybe your voice just said wait how long is he going to stop for wait what’s going on here right it said something hey everybody in today’s video we’re going to talk about the voice in the head what it is is where it came from and how to get rid of it and here’s a hint if you try to get rid of it you can’t my name is Joe Hudson I’m a former venture capitalist turned coach and now I coach some of the most notable names in Silicon Valley so another way to think about the voice in your head is is a simple little experiment I just want you to say out loud this is the voice in my head this is the voice in my head okay and now you’re just going to think it this is the voice in my head what you thought that was The Voice in your head and it’s constantly talking to us it’s editing what we’re doing and saying no you shouldn’t have done it this way you should do it that way maybe it’s bullying you saying you need to be perfect you need to be on time you need to be better you need to get in shape you need to stop eating so much you need to stop smoking so it’s this constant Onslaught typically a very negative selft talk the voice in the head can be separated into two parts the repetitive part the thing that it says all the time over and over and over again like repeat repeating your to-do list and the other part is kind of an epiphany voice in the head where the voice in the head just has this thought that it doesn’t repeat over and over again like oh oh wow I could do that or oh oh that would be cool I should get my wife flowers any of those thoughts that’s not what we’re talking about in this video this video is all about just the negative reoccurring voice in your head so now let’s go on to number two where the voice in the head came from so generally that negative reoccurring voice in the head came from our childhood and the way that somebody who was caring for us spoke so if we had a very critical very abusive parent often times we’re going to have a very critical very abusive voice in the head if we had a parent who was just nitpicky then we’re going to have a nitpicky voice in the head if we have a parent that was just always silently critical we’re going to have like a more silent critical voice in the head so we’re basically re inventing how we were parented in our head and it’s just perpetually going and typically people sometimes think oh I really need this voice in my head because if I didn’t have it I wouldn’t do anything I would just like sit on the couch pop a beer drink who cares that’s what’s going to happen if I lose the voice in the head but take a minute and really think about that for a second imagine you went to work and you hung out at work and your boss was right next to you going yeah yeah type faster type faster okay yeah make sure you do that no no don’t do that oh you screwed up oh you screwed up that sucks why did you do that come on come on come on why aren’t you working fast you have to work faster or you’re going to lose your job you think you’d be more productive right it wouldn’t work but somehow we think that this voice in the head that we have is absolutely something that we need or everything’s going to fall apart but that’s not true at all in fact when the voice in our head has a better relationship with us it actually gives us a lot more energy because we’re not constantly preparing for the battle we’re not constantly shielding ourselves we’re not constantly in a state of adrenaline because we’re beating ourselves up and we can free our energy and be much much more productive all right now let’s go into the third part of it how to get rid of the voice in your head so remember at the beginning I said if you try to get rid of it you can’t if you try to get rid of it you’re resisting it and the more you resist it the more it persists so having a battle with the voice in your head it will always win so having that fight trying to get rid of it trying to manage it trying to control it it will just act out even more so any one of these techniques that I’m about to tell you if you use them to actually get rid of the voice in your head they will stop working if you use them just like I’m experimenting I’m exploring I’m learning to have a better relationship with the voice in the head then the voice in the head will start letting go and it’ll just dissipate and slowly move into the background and disappear the first one is to change the way that you react to it so typically the voice in the head says something to you maybe it’s like you have to lose weight and you typically go yeah I should lose weight and then you I’m going to ignore you that would be your reaction here’s another reaction you can have to it you should lose weight oh I see that you’re really scared and I don’t want to react to your fear or it could say hey you should lose weight and you could say how about you uh speak to me with a little more respect whatever you want just change the way that you react to the voice in your head and notice that the voice in the head will start changing the way that it acts towards you so here’s number two welcoming it so welcoming it is a really interesting one so typically the voice in the head because it’s acting abusive because it’s acting negatively we just kind of want it to go away so a different way to react to it is to deeply welcome it and when I say welcome it I could even say like fall in love with it it doesn’t mean that you do what it says it doesn’t mean that you react to it like it’s your boss it just means like you love it the way you might love a little kid having a temper tantrum or the way that you might love a dog who really really wants to be pet but it’s like way out of control so you’re going to make sure it doesn’t jump on you but you still pet it it’s the same way so the voice in the head could be like you have to work harder and you could be like oh yeah you want me to work harder I really hear you it’s like a deep welcoming of it it’s like opening your heart to it and letting it be welcomed a lot of the things that the voice in the head does is out of fear it’s a deep fear and the thing about fear is the more you say don’t be scared the more you’re like no I don’t like you cuz you’re scared the more the fear erupts in your system whereas if you can just give loving attention and allow the voice in the head to be seen it can relax it can just like ah right I’m being heard the third approach of the voice in your head is to see that everything it says is a lie it doesn’t mean it’s a complete lie but it’s not the complete truth and therefore it’s a lie so it says you have to work harder who says it like how do you know that’s the case and so the idea is that everything the voice in your head says you pay attention to it and you ask yourself hey is that 100% true is that for sure do we know that absolutely and find the part of the voice in the head that may not be right so think about it this way you have a politician you probably don’t like them and you watch that politician talk and you see a whole bunch of acolytes going yeah yeah that’s true that’s true that’s true and you’re like ah man that’s not true yeah so the politician is the voice in your head and unless you’re not acting like an acolyte you’re probably going to buy into what the voice in the head says and when you see that it’s not true it’s easier to welcome it it’s easier to love it it’s easier to react to it differently because it doesn’t have that same kind of control over you when you think that everything it says is the truth so the last way that you can really work with the voice in your head is to see how much it cares there is nothing it says to you that isn’t an act of care granted it says it horribly it’s like the worst micromanaging boss if you can actually translate it so you can feel what the Deep care is when it says Hey lose weight you can be like oh I really see that you care about my health I appreciate that right if you really can see the care and you can even ask it to just be more caring in the way it expresses it to you and then that changes the relationship and pretty soon that repetitive negative selft talk just starts to dwindle and evaporate slowly but surely what’s really important is to see the voice in your head as a guide rather than than an enemy so if you see it as an enemy you’re going to be constantly in a fight and like I said you’re never going to win that fight but if you see it as a guide it’s going to point to exactly the places in you that you haven’t healed or that you don’t accept or that you don’t love so it’s this amazing guide to really allow yourself to feel more fulfilled more productive and when you’re getting things done it’s going to allow you to do it with a lot more joy and a lot more just ah yeah so if you like the video just hit subscribe and tell us what else you want to hear about