Joe’s definition of vulnerability is precise: speaking your truth even when it’s scary. Both elements are required. If it’s not your truth, it’s not vulnerable — it might be weakness, manipulation, or people-pleasing. If it’s not scary, it’s not vulnerable — it’s just honesty.
“If it’s not your truth, it’s not vulnerable. And if it’s not scary to say, it’s not vulnerable.”
This definition makes vulnerability intensely personal. What’s vulnerable for one person — saying “ouch” or “I’m sorry” — might be easy for someone else. For Joe, who naturally moved to fight when attacked, the vulnerable action was softening. For someone who always apologizes, the vulnerable action might be standing up for themselves.
The simplest compass for vulnerability in any moment: “What’s the scary thing that’s true for me right now?” That question points directly to the vulnerable action. Somatically, it involves a heart opening, fear that can shift to excitement, and a gut-level “yes, this is true” even while the nervous system says no.
Related Concepts
- Embracing fear versus avoiding fear is the key distinction
- What’s vulnerable is personal, not a universal morality
- Welcoming fear over conquering it