A person can have every skill needed to succeed — even teach those exact skills to others — and still be unable to apply them to themselves when shame is running the show. Joe points this out to a public speaking coach who can’t market himself: “If you know how to do public speaking, you know how to market yourself. It’s the same principles.”
The avoidance isn’t about lack of knowledge. It’s about shame making self-promotion feel unbearable. The man knows how to be authentic, honest, and blunt — he teaches it — but turning that spotlight on himself triggers the old wound of not being worth the attention.
“You’re either a really crappy coach, or you are not marketing yourself. I’m going to assume it’s the second — and so that would be avoidance due to shame.”
This is a common pattern: the gap between competence and visibility is almost always filled with shame. The solution isn’t more marketing tactics — it’s feeling the shame and moving through it.
Related Concepts
- Shame stagnates behavior
- Imposter syndrome roots in conditional love
- Hiding makes you feel more like an imposter
- Avoiding shame creates more shame through disconnection