The pain of being misunderstood has two layers. The surface layer is “they don’t understand my words.” The deeper layer is “my goodness isn’t being recognized” — and beneath even that: “they won’t connect with me.”
When Savannah realizes this in coaching, she has a breakthrough: “Oh my God, that’s what it is — I’m seeking connection. And when people are choosing to misunderstand me, it’s like they’re saying no, we’re not connecting with you.” The distress was never about clarity of language. It was about the ache of disconnection.
This reframe changes everything. If the problem were unclear communication, the solution would be better words. But if the problem is a bid for connection being refused, the solution is something else entirely — being present in yourself, which paradoxically creates the safety that allows connection to happen.
“I’m seeking connection and when people are choosing to misunderstand me it’s like they’re saying no we’re not — they are saying I’m not connecting with you and that hurts.”
Related Concepts
- Connection over perfection
- Chasing understanding feels like control to others
- People want connection not perfection