Many people want apologies but can’t actually receive them — they become “hungry ghosts” always seeking acknowledgment but unable to let it in. Receiving an apology means allowing the feeling to permeate your whole system rather than holding up armor, deflecting with “don’t feel bad,” or dismissing it.
The key distinction is between permeability and being overtaken. You let the feeling move through you completely, but you don’t buy the story attached to it. Even if someone delivers a passive-aggressive apology (“I’m sorry I couldn’t read your mind”), you can feel the full energy of it without taking it personally. From that undefended place, you can respond with clarity: “It feels like you still want me to be upset at something I’ve done.”
“If you can fully feel that apology all the way through… you can actually feel the relief and often some other emotions that come with it.”
When you constrict and defend, that’s the signal that you’ve lost permeability. The same words might come out of your mouth, but the tone reveals shame or defensiveness rather than uprightness. Receiving apologies in your empowered state — the same state from which you’d give one — is what allows genuine connection to occur.