Christopher describes his pattern as “pulling the brakes” — a phenomenological experience of pushing down a brake pedal, constricting himself when fear of judgment arises. When the brakes are on, he’s tense, stressed, and disconnected. When they’re released, it’s effortless to be charismatic, loving, and open — easy to be himself.
This brake-pulling has two forms: “I have to fix myself because I’m broken” and “don’t let my body be in the anguish fully.” Both prevent the natural flow of experience. For Christopher with autoimmune chronic pain, the stress response from constant brake-pulling may worsen the condition itself — his illness became a way to stop him from expressing needs and wants.
The release doesn’t mean abandoning practical care. You can plan reasonable interventions without pulling the brakes. The distinction is between thoughtfully addressing pain and compulsively ruminating on fixing yourself — one is presence, the other is escape.
“Those moments when I release that, it’s so effortless and it’s so easy to be charismatic and to just be loving and open — it’s easy to be you.”
“The pulling the brakes is that ‘I have to fix myself.‘”
Related Concepts
- Muscles constrict to block feeling
- Suppressing one emotion suppresses all
- Composure is self-imprisonment
- Chronic pain deepens when emotional expression is suppressed