“In a war with yourself, you always lose.” Peace doesn’t come from forcing yourself to eat right, exercise, and meditate. People who’ve been doing that for decades know it doesn’t bring peace. Nor does it come from avoiding conflict — that just creates a war inside yourself.
When you avoid a conflict with your partner to “keep the peace,” the conflict between your need and its not being met exists entirely within you. It leaks out in all kinds of downstream ways. The alternative is allowing that there is conflict — letting it enter the space between you rather than holding it inside.
“Peace is not created through lack of tension. It’s created through the allowing of it.”
Joe connects this to nature: we can feel the peace of nature, and yet there is tension in every cell — every animal, every tree. Tension is what creates life. The Buddhist framing points to the same thing: life is painful, you can’t avoid that, but you don’t have to suffer. Suffering comes from the war with what is, not from what is.
Related Concepts
- Conflict avoidance prevents evolution
- Allowing conflict not creating it
- Resentment is stored conflict
- Prioritizing truth over comfort creates lasting relationships