Every time we hold back what’s true in us — whether to manage others’ perceptions, maintain composure, or perform an acceptable version of ourselves — we are doing harm to ourselves. This isn’t metaphorical; it’s the same pattern that sustains addiction and self-destructive behavior.
In a coaching session, Joe drew a direct parallel for a woman recovering from addiction: the movement that brought her through addiction was refusing to do anything harmful to herself. Holding back her truth was the same kind of self-harm she’d learned to stop. When she let her powerful, raw energy flow even for a moment, it felt good. Every time she didn’t, it was self-harm.
“Holding back your truth is harmful for you.”
“Every time you don’t [let that flow], it is self harm.”
The practice isn’t about grand acts of vulnerability. It’s moment-to-moment: with your mom, your friend, in the small exchanges. The question is simply “What’s my truth in this moment?” — and then allowing it rather than managing it. The parallel to addiction recovery is precise: stop doing the harmful thing. In this case, the harmful thing is silence about what’s actually alive in you.