Joe and Tara’s marriage follows a pattern: every major life change triggers a new growth cycle. Getting married created a safety that allowed all their patterns to emerge (the pitchfork fight happened after the wedding). Having kids was another hard cycle. Moving cities, career shifts, starting a business together — each one destabilized the existing equilibrium.
Tara frames it as the marriage using hard cycles to grow. Each transition changes who the people are, which means the marriage has to change too. The couples who weather these transitions are the ones who see them as growth opportunities rather than evidence that something is wrong.
They note hormones are real — kids change hormones, aging changes hormones, and these biological shifts affect everything. The practical advice: if you’re entering a big life change (retirement, empty nest, new career), expect a growth cycle. Get support proactively — therapist, community, couples circle — rather than waiting until you’re in crisis.
Their surprise: when both kids left for the first time, they expected it to be dicey. Instead, they fell in love again in the pre-kids way. Not every transition is hard. But being prepared for it makes even the hard ones navigable.