The sixth pattern is choosing power over empowerment. Power, Joe argues, only exists by agreement—money has power because we all agree it does—which means it can always be taken: by a gun, by loss of money, by people no longer liking you. If you rely on power for what you want, you’re right to be scared, because the floor can drop at any time.
“Power can be taken away from you, and you know that… empowerment basically is an expression of knowing deeply who you are.”
Empowerment is the unshakeable knowing of who you are—nothing to defend, fine whether you’re liked or fired. You can be put in prison banging rocks and still be Nelson Mandela. Because the world isn’t safe (we’ll all die, be judged, feel heartbreak—mostly within the week), the only real safety comes from knowing the self that can’t be destroyed. Joe likens the feeling to being Superman with no kryptonite.
It shows up practically in relationships. When a partner does something embarrassing, most people enter a power struggle—I need you to stop, you can’t tell me what to do. Empowerment asks a different question: what’s required for me to be the person I respect right now? That question requires nothing from the other person.
Related Concepts
- Power can be taken away from you but empowerment cannot
- Empowerment and unconditional love are the same feeling
- Empowerment is love without submission or fight
- Weaponized boundaries are control in disguise
- Feeling helplessness creates agency, not control
- You must know you can leave to truly love