Joe loves when things go haywire in facilitation — not when someone breaks a principle (like losing unconditional love), but when the process itself goes sideways. “The most beautiful moments I’ve ever had facilitating are when things have gone South.”
He tells a story of three groups running simultaneously — two functional, one completely dysfunctional. Instead of forcing the plan, they had everyone sit in a circle and watch the functional group process first. The dysfunctional group’s initial reaction was “is this a joke?” — but then they saw what was possible. By their turn, the dysfunction was over. That beautiful moment only existed because things went wrong.
“This dumpster fire is not going to stoke itself — it really reminds me that I’m not here to make it work. I’m here to be present with what the hell is happening.”
The more Joe lets go of results, the better results typically come — because he’s not fighting or forcing but following the river. This applies equally to coaching: when there’s no result you’re looking for, you can simply be with whatever arises. Someone argues? Cool. Someone cries? Cool. “What’s happening? How can I be with you?” That’s where magic happens.
Related Concepts
- Chaos is necessary for growth
- Detachment from outcomes enables better outcomes
- Embrace intensity for transformation