Summary
Joe and Brett explore why goals so often become instruments of self-abuse rather than tools for growth. Drawing from Joe’s venture capital experience, he noticed that executive teams would spend days preparing board presentations—looking backward—rather than looking forward. This revealed a misalignment: if the company were truly aligned, the data the board needs would be the same data leadership uses daily.
Joe maps this to internal life: our inner critic (the “board”) sets goals that aren’t aligned with what our body, heart, and deeper self actually want. The result is goals that oppress rather than inspire. However, when goals are aligned, they serve two functions: they open up creativity by generating the right questions, and they catalyze performance when you’re behind (like LeBron coming back from 3 games down).
The key reframe: the biggest job of a goal isn’t to be achieved—it’s to give you the right questions to ask. “How do I have a good relationship?” generates very different questions than “How do I have a deeply intimate relationship we’re both grateful for?”
Key Concepts
- Goals become self-abuse when they come from the inner critic rather than genuine desire
- The real purpose of goals is to generate the right questions, not destinations
- Internal alignment mirrors organizational alignment—misaligned goals create wasted effort
- Being behind on a goal catalyzes extraordinary creativity—if you don’t let go
Key Quotes
“Oftentimes we have this critical voice in our head—our board—which is saying here are your goals but it’s not actually the goals of the rest of the system.”
“The goals—their biggest job isn’t to get to them. Oftentimes the goals are so limited. What we can get to is so much greater than what the goals can even point at.”
“Living as if the goal has already succeeded is part of how the goals help you get to the place.”
“I should be married at 35 and why are you so far behind—that goal-making mechanism is just another form of self-abuse.”
Transcript
Joe and Brett discuss goals at their AOA offsite. Joe shares how as a VC, executive teams would spend days preparing board decks—looking backward instead of forward. If aligned, the board should see the same data leadership uses daily. He maps this to internal life: our inner critic sets goals misaligned with what body, heart, and mind actually want. The critical voice says “be married at 35”—that’s self-abuse, not a goal. When goals are aligned, they do two things: generate the right questions (a goal of “good relationship” produces different questions than “deeply intimate relationship”) and catalyze creativity when you’re behind (like LeBron winning 4 games after being down 3). Goals open up performance and creativity when you don’t let go of them—sports teams don’t play without goals. The biggest job of a goal isn’t to be achieved—it’s to generate questions that point you in the right direction.